My assault story
Ive told a few friends about some of whats happened and they told me its no big deal that it happens all the time and that im overreacting, well it was assault, rape, it was incest, and it was molestation, I didn't wanna tell anyone the full story because i felt it was my fault I was 8 my brothers were always stressed and iritated and when i asked them if there was some way i could help them I never imagined they'd want this from me their own sister, they said there was one way i could help them and it would help them get relief I had no clue what they were talking about but my curiosity got the better of me and as the little sister I felt if there was a way i could help my big brothers then i should help them and they took me to their room and they started to touch me at first and asked me to take my clothes off and I didnt understand what was going on but it felt nasty and disgusting but I felt that sense id already said yes to helping them I had no right to say no so I never said no and I always thought before i said yes again and this continued for a couple years they would ask me to undress myself and to touch myself and to touch them and let them touch me and it felt horrible but I grew to scared to say anything and they would do things with my body and whenever I tried to back out they would tell me that I offered to help them so I should stay true to what I say and so I kept doing what they wanted but I slowly stopped talking to anyone in my family and they noticed but they knew I was being bullied at school so I just told them it was school and they believed me and what my brothers were asking me to do and what they were doing didnt stop till I was 13 and it felt like hell and I was always jumpy vigilant and scared of every man who came near me even my own father so yeah life was horrible growing up and sometime around the age of 10 I realized i needed to grow up if I wanted to survive this I had to grow up or id blow up so I made myself grow up and all and then once i was 12 my brother had said he needs help again and over the years I learned to not talk and just do what I was told and dont fight back its pointless and so I went with him to his room I thought he was just gonna put his thing between my legs and hump but he put it into me and it hurt so bad I started crying but he didnt notice then when he released in me and was done he cleaned himself off and left to go play soccer with my other brothers and their friends and i layed there scared to get up because it hurt while laying down i thought wouldnt it be worse if i stood up but i stood up anyways because my dad called me and I wanted to shower and clean myself off so i cleaned up first and then went to see my dad he just wanted me to clean his room and make him food that was all and after that my brother would come into my room in the early morning and put his fingers in me all the time and leave but what he didnt know was that i was awake every time and i still have nightmares and such and have trouble sleeping and cant talk to a man in person or even be to close to them without haveing a panic attack and think if my own brothers could use me and rape me what would stop a stranger from doing that to me and I still think this way and am scared of men to this day.
@shyomega123 I am so so sorry to read this, Omega. I hate it when people generalise and normalise such horrific incidents by saying it happens all the time. Your story, your feelings, your emotions do matter and we are here to support you through this. It was so hard for me to read the entire post in one go so I cannot and shouldn't really comment on how much horrific it must have been for you to experience all this for so long by people so close. It takes immense strength to speak up and show your vulnerable side and I am so proud of you for doing that. Keep writing, it's tough beyond tough to heal from but it's not impossible. You have immense strength and I am sending you more. I can understand you feel that you only said yes to them for the help but ask yourself Omega did you ever consent to what was forced on you, was it acceptable to them to hear no. You were never at fault, never.
My feelings have never mattered before neither have I, so to be honest I dont understand what your saying and asking me to do I dont know hoe to do that I dont know how to let my feelings and tell someone how I feel I dont understand how to do that I stopped talking about how I feel when i was 8 so im not sure what to say or how to express what I feel im just confused on what your telling me about how my feelings matter how I matter it doesnt make sense to me
@shyomega123 I am so sorry I forgot to add, your fear of men is natural and you are allowed to take your time to process everything. Also, please stay safe, you are valuable for me for us here❤
You promise, I can be a hassle at times youd be frustrated sometimes because of and at me but your promise I matter and you really care you promise you wont leave me i dont wanna be alone it scares me please dont leave me ill be good ill do anything I just dont wanna be alone again anymore
@shyomega123 Thank you for writing back, Omega. By saying your feelings matter I mean, no matter what others tell you that it is normal, happens everywhere and other stupid things and you might also feel it to not share about it at times because sharing is difficult especially when since childhood we get such surroundings where we aren't allowed to speak. Follow your heart, if you want to write, keep writing about your feelings at your comfort. And at 7 cups and especially here you will find really supportive people and we all are together supporting each other without judgments.You are not alone. I am here for you, I didn't mention Omega but I am also a survivor of such cruel things, I write about my feelings in the journal section of Trauma Support you too can try something similar if you feel like or post here whatever works for you. You are accepted here the way you are so explore, express and try to be kind to yourself you have gone through a lot and you are sharing everything bravely here, it's really appreciable❤
Well um if its ok sharing right here for now is ok, and well I dont understand my feelings most of the time but yeah I feel unwanted, unloved, useless, a burden, a mistake, a waste of space, like im gonna fall apart any minute now, broken, distant, sad, in pain, stupid, hated, worthless, nothing, a piece of garbage ect.
You know we all are here for you. The things happened to you is really a big thing and I'm proud of you that you open up which indicates that you're strong... You're not alone you have us.❤️
