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shyomega123
451 M Embraced 3
PathStep 27 Compassion hearts17 Forum posts32 Forum upvotes39 Current upvotes39 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2021 Member sinceJuly 2, 2021
Bio

I dont know what to put here so I'll just say what I been and go through, Abuse Verbal and physical Bullying Assault Suicidal Depression Anxiety PTSD Social anxiety Have to many secrets Supress my emotions Can't sleep scared someone will come in my room and... Im am very shy, introverted cant handle big crowds, as soon as someone sees my scars and asks what happened i have a panic attack, I am afraid of men, I always think everything is my fault, I try not to mess up always thinking if I do someone will hit me like before, I dont talk much because i dont know what a person wants to hear and I dont know what to say.

Recent forum posts
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Need help
Trauma Support / by shyomega123
Last post
 August 10th, 2021
...See more How do i tell my parents of what ive been through, i was s assaulted and s abused by my own brothers growing up as a little girl and then my second year of high school I was assaulted and almost raped by my classmate what if my parents hate me or dont want me anymore what if they blame me for letting it happen im scared, and I wanted to reach out to the suicide helpline because I actually was gonna attempt suicide yesterday because i couldnt handle the pain i felt inaide and im scared to take meds to help me out because in a way even if they help me out their gonna change who i am in a way as well and im just so messed up i believe the wrong thing's because its how i grew up what i was taught and how i was raised and told to believe and its hard to get rid of those beliefs even though i know there wrong but i still cant help but to believe them and it sucks but yeah
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My assault story
Trauma Support / by shyomega123
Last post
 August 8th, 2021
...See more Ive told a few friends about some of whats happened and they told me its no big deal that it happens all the time and that im overreacting, well it was assault, rape, it was incest, and it was molestation, I didn't wanna tell anyone the full story because i felt it was my fault I was 8 my brothers were always stressed and iritated and when i asked them if there was some way i could help them I never imagined they'd want this from me their own sister, they said there was one way i could help them and it would help them get relief I had no clue what they were talking about but my curiosity got the better of me and as the little sister I felt if there was a way i could help my big brothers then i should help them and they took me to their room and they started to touch me at first and asked me to take my clothes off and I didnt understand what was going on but it felt nasty and disgusting but I felt that sense id already said yes to helping them I had no right to say no so I never said no and I always thought before i said yes again and this continued for a couple years they would ask me to undress myself and to touch myself and to touch them and let them touch me and it felt horrible but I grew to scared to say anything and they would do things with my body and whenever I tried to back out they would tell me that I offered to help them so I should stay true to what I say and so I kept doing what they wanted but I slowly stopped talking to anyone in my family and they noticed but they knew I was being bullied at school so I just told them it was school and they believed me and what my brothers were asking me to do and what they were doing didnt stop till I was 13 and it felt like hell and I was always jumpy vigilant and scared of every man who came near me even my own father so yeah life was horrible growing up and sometime around the age of 10 I realized i needed to grow up if I wanted to survive this I had to grow up or id blow up so I made myself grow up and all and then once i was 12 my brother had said he needs help again and over the years I learned to not talk and just do what I was told and dont fight back its pointless and so I went with him to his room I thought he was just gonna put his thing between my legs and hump but he put it into me and it hurt so bad I started crying but he didnt notice then when he released in me and was done he cleaned himself off and left to go play soccer with my other brothers and their friends and i layed there scared to get up because it hurt while laying down i thought wouldnt it be worse if i stood up but i stood up anyways because my dad called me and I wanted to shower and clean myself off so i cleaned up first and then went to see my dad he just wanted me to clean his room and make him food that was all and after that my brother would come into my room in the early morning and put his fingers in me all the time and leave but what he didnt know was that i was awake every time and i still have nightmares and such and have trouble sleeping and cant talk to a man in person or even be to close to them without haveing a panic attack and think if my own brothers could use me and rape me what would stop a stranger from doing that to me and I still think this way and am scared of men to this day.
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TW: I allowed myself to be abused
Trauma Support / by shyomega123
Last post
 July 4th, 2021
...See more I have been bullied sense third grade all the eay to 12th grade which is what im in now and im currently 17, anyways the beatings didnt happen till I was 9 though my dad started beating me then my mom then my brothees and it would happen daily I would go to school the store and even on walks with bruises all over my back, arms, legs and my ass and some were worse than others cuz they'd use whatever they could find to beat me and it hurt but overtime I got so used to it that I stopped feeling anything when they hurt me and it continued day in and day oyt whenever they were mad or having a bad day I got beaten black and blue then one day they stopped I turned 16 that day, they still slap me around and beat just not as much as before not even close, and they verbally abused me sense I was 7 calling me fat ugly a mistake nothing but a burden a waste of space to expensive to much trouble not worth it never enough stupid idiot bitch asshole and so on so yeah I wanna run away or leave when im 18 and I wanna take my baby girl with me but I cant sadly Edited by Asher, 7/6/21
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I was to scared to fight back
Trauma Support / by shyomega123
Last post
 July 5th, 2021
...See more It started when I was 7, they were my brothers and there one friend, lets call them, a, m, w, and d. So it started when w asked me when i was 7 if I knew what masturbation was and I said no he said Ill show you and if you dont do what I say I'll tell mommy and daddy you sucked my dick in the middle of the night, so I did what he said cuz I didnt want my mama and papa to hate me and feel disgusted with me like that then it escalated to hand jobs, then blow jobs, and boob jobs then lstly humping between my legs with their dicks and it happened daily over and over again I didnt do what they asked they tell and put all the blame on me I stopped talking i stopped feeling anything but pain sadness and disgust with them but mostly myself this went on from when I was 7 to when I was 15 and a, m, w, and d all did this shit to me for years every damn day I cried when they finally fucked me for real when i was 12 years old but what they didnt know was i was 2 months pregnant from one of them I wanted to keep it give it a chance to have a life but it died I had a miscarrage when a classmate at school tried to rape me, I still live eith my brothers but 2 of them are engaged and I dont wanna ruin their lives nor my families and their friend moved and my tgird brother a he moved away when I was 16 so yeah, it was hard to say this took me a whiel to post it because i feel like its all my fault and I miss my baby so damn much if I had just run away it wouldnt have died if i had fought back none of this would have happened its all my fault and I dont know how to stop blaming myself. Sorry its long and graphic and detailed my bad.
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