I was to scared to fight back
It started when I was 7, they were my brothers and there one friend, lets call them, a, m, w, and d. So it started when w asked me when i was 7 if I knew what masturbation was and I said no he said Ill show you and if you dont do what I say I'll tell mommy and daddy you sucked my dick in the middle of the night, so I did what he said cuz I didnt want my mama and papa to hate me and feel disgusted with me like that then it escalated to hand jobs, then blow jobs, and boob jobs then lstly humping between my legs with their dicks and it happened daily over and over again I didnt do what they asked they tell and put all the blame on me I stopped talking i stopped feeling anything but pain sadness and disgust with them but mostly myself this went on from when I was 7 to when I was 15 and a, m, w, and d all did this shit to me for years every damn day I cried when they finally fucked me for real when i was 12 years old but what they didnt know was i was 2 months pregnant from one of them I wanted to keep it give it a chance to have a life but it died I had a miscarrage when a classmate at school tried to rape me, I still live eith my brothers but 2 of them are engaged and I dont wanna ruin their lives nor my families and their friend moved and my tgird brother a he moved away when I was 16 so yeah, it was hard to say this took me a whiel to post it because i feel like its all my fault and I miss my baby so damn much if I had just run away it wouldnt have died if i had fought back none of this would have happened its all my fault and I dont know how to stop blaming myself. Sorry its long and graphic and detailed my bad.
@shyomega123
Hey, you've nothing to be sorry about. If anything, be proud of yourself for having the courage to share your experiences here.
It sounds like you're experiencing guilt after going through all that. I want to let you know that none of it was your fault. You were manipulated and hurt at a very young age. From personal experience, it's okay to feel too embarrassed and scared to tell anyone about it. I'm sorry to hear it got to the point of pregnancy but it was brave of you to want to keep the baby, give it a chance at life..
Going through miscarriage can release a wave of emotions all over us. One of these emotions is trying to explain to ourselves that it was your fault. You didn't choose to be sexually assaulted by a classmate, and running away may not have felt like the right decision at that moment. Don't be hard on yourself for this..
Even today, you care about your family and want to protect your brothers' lives and families' lives. Telling someone about all that happened is always an option, but only when you feel ready to so..
If you want to talk more about this, feel free to put out a general request or message a listener from the browse listeners page.
Here are two self-help guides which might help: Domestic assault survivor
Traumatic experiences
Miscarriage resources can be found here.
Take care~Sierra
