Is it my fault? ***possible trigger***

I was abused by my father throughout my teens, and he also made me touch him....when I finally told someone I wasn't believed. Soon after I was kicked out of home...I stayed at a friends house. The same night she was having a party. Lots of people were drinking but I didn't. I fell asleep but I woke up feeling very strange...I wasn't alone...I didn't see his face...but he raped me...I understand that my drink had been spiked...

i never though I could trust...but have now going through 2 failed marriages....my second husband was always pressuring me into intimacy... I was often woke up with him all over me...thought that it was ok, but now know he was abusing me too...

i can't help blaming myself..

never been able to deal with all this...

the flashbacks are terrifying but I know I can't ever forget...

.I hate my body...it's been used by men all my life... and that's something I can't ever escape...😪😪