I can't stand flattery - anger

I was talkin to my male friend today and I know that he has a crush on me. It's a moot point anyway because I have a girlfriend already and I'm a lesbian. That wasn't the issue though. I knew that he had a crush on me this man friend of mine. He and I were having a discussion at my program tonight and he started talking to me in this romantic tone of voice again like he was going to shower me with flattery and compliments. I stopped him with a very cold glare. And immediately I apologized to him for getting angry at him. But I did set a boundary with him. I said to him, " listen I don't want to hear you give me those kind of compliments anymore. Number one I know how you feel about me already number to you know that I have a girlfriend already."

I was trying to respect how Ihe felt and treat him respectfully but I felt sexually harassed again. The dark side of this is that I react very similarly toward my girlfriend when she tries to compliment me.

​​​​​​​ I feel very sad about not being able to enjoy compliments and flattery like non survivors do. I also don't like this exhausting resentment towards sex even existing or romance even existing. Often I wish I was asexual and so was everyone else around me.

I'm basically just venting and processing my feelings. I respect my friend very much and I know he's acting very normally. And I'm probably reacting very normally for a survivor but it does make me feel very sad and I know that it isn't sex and men that I hate it's abuse that I hate and how it's affecting me right now that I hate!

​​​​​​​Carol