I can't stand being in my own skin
I want to tear this body apart. I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin, every day I wake up and I hate it, I hate to feel the same as always. I hate how my body shakes and how I feel things that I can't explain. Today I have no appetite, I ate and I threw up. I feel so frustrated and I want to drink until I can't think and feel or just tear this body apart. I want to break it and to get out of it.
I hate when someone gives me a compliment, when anyone says anything about the way I look, you have pretty eyes. I hate my eyes, they are my mother's eyes. And she broke me, she raped me and let her "friends" rape me too. She was a monster and I look like her. I DONT feel good-looking I don't like my hair or my eyes or anything that people like. I hate to hear compliments all I can think is what the fuck do they want? Sex? Because that is all my body can give.
My father sold me. He trained me and sold me. He took me to all these places I can barely remember. I don't remember a lot only that I was being raped for money. I hate that my body can remember things my mind cannot. I feel so foreign in my own skin. Today I am on edge, I feel I am going to explode and I just want to get out of my mind and my body. I am always at war with myself.
Dear Oliver, I'm so terribly sorry for these horrible experiences you had to go through. My dad broke me as a child. I feel your pain. I've had days of " jumping out of my skin" I hated myself too and I look like him. I had to get help for myself or I wasn't going to survive. I reached out to a therapist and started medication and these steps saved me. 7 cups is also an incredible resource because you can come here anytime for support. Your not alone and there's ppl here who care , I care. Praying for you. ABB