How trauma affects relationships.
I find myself feeling like my partner could be better off without me. I feel like i always do the wrong things. I want other things from him but he has his own trauma so pressuring him doesn't help but for some reason i still do it without thinking. He tells me i need to relax and i think i am relaxed so i feel more stressed cause idk what im doing wrong. Relationships and trauma on both sides is hard and frustrating. Im trying to stay calm and not overreact. I cant help but cry and be upset sometimes though. Like right now he and i are drinking and im feeling really upset and he says he doesn't want hugs or kisses or for me to touch him but thats all i want to do and its hard. We are trying to have a baby and it seems impossible because of all the intimacy issues and stress. Anyways, things are hard i hope i can figure this all out and that he and i can be there for each other more and understand each other....
I think part of it is me. Like when he asks me if i wanna drink i guess my mind assumes its going to involve sex since a lot of my abuse involved drinking. Is it wrong to assume this? When i think of drinking i think of relaxing and listening to music and dancing and having sex. Is this a normal thought pattern??
@Yandapanda1998
The easiest way to find out what your partner is thinking is to ask him. It's great that you know you assume some things, so you can look out for when these situations pop up, and then ask your partner if what you're assuming is accurate. You pointed out that your association of drinking and sex is linked to your abuse, so your partner might feel differently. Perhaps you can try talking to him about this, and figure out a way to understand what he's suggesting when he asks you if you want a drink
@Yandapanda1998
Hey there ❤️ To be honest, everyone is imperfect and will make mistakes - it sounds like you've been putting some unrealistic expectations on yourself. Relationships can be really intense and emotionally-charged, and it's easy to fixate on everything that's going wrong. It feels like this has been really overwhelming for you ❤️
Take a deep breath. You are going to be okay. It's okay to have intense emotions. It's okay to feel stressed and overwhelmed and lost about what to do. It's going to be okay. Right now, there are many things you can't control or change, but there are many things you can still do.
Let's take a moment to think about that. What can you do today that would help you feel better, and won't make things worse for your partner? Perhaps you can vent and release the stress in another way, or express yourself through other means. Consider the things that make you feel particularly stressed - is there anything you can take off your plate for now? Is there something you can let go off for the time being to focus on taking care of yourself and your partner?
Things are hard now, but that doesn't mean that you're doing something wrong. Trauma by nature is not easy to handle, and you're both managing it as well as you can. Let's take things one step at a time ❤️