He left me with unwanted gifts and I hate it

When i was a child 5 or 6 years old, i know that i've been raped by a relative who has a close relationship with my family, I always remember him playing with me and my sister whenver we come to their house,and i can also remeber telling me that I am a good girl if I listen to him, so i let him,when I was growing up, i always have a flashback of what has happened but i always thought of it as nothing and think of it as a dream and i didn't tell my parents about it. But when I was in high school, I have discovered something is very wrong with me, I have friends, I am very well-liked by my classmates and other people, sometimes, there are also people who would greet me but i don't know them personally, I love my family, i have a close relationship with my older sister, and even though me and my older sister don't have a close relationship with our youngest sister, because of the age gap, we still love her. I have begin seeing what is my problem when i was in my third year of high school, I can say that it's the most memorable year of my High school life,because i have met the friends that i know will be with me even though we will be going on our separate ways later, I have discovered that even though i love them fully, I can't trust them, they all told me things that nobody knows, yet i can't say any secret to them, My sister tells me anything that even our parents don't know about her, and yet i can't do the same. When one of my close friends has visited me last month, we have gone back to some of the issues in our little group has gone by, and when I told him that I didn't know about aparticular issue, he told that's because you always seem to care only about myself, and now going back, because of what has happened to me, it seems thatI've become a person who cant trust someoneand a person who has become emotionally detached even though i love that person, When my grandma died, I didn't shed any tears nor i felt sad and lonely when she was being buried, and i love her fully because she took care of us and love us, i feel so abnormal thinking about it now, all the people around me were crying and yet i was standing there calm and collected, I hate myself because of this.