Fearing everyone...
**Trigger Warning**
Brief Context-
I am 20, I was 19 when I was gang- raped by 4 strangers who tried to strangle me, after a series of sexual harassment, stalking and an attack with water (after threatening of acid attack). Everybody involved in these(around 10-15 people) are nameless and faceless to me and are free. I am still unaware of why they chose me...
Concern-
I am carrying a fear when I am at my home because I get flashbacks and a lot of panic attacks. But it gets worse when I see people physically or virtually, I cannot maintain eye contact properly and feel constantly anxious. One day I was out and somebody touched my arm by mistake and I kneeled on the ground in public crying loudly. I cry when I see people in video conferences and I am unable to behave normally any where. It has been over an year since I am at home safe and in different city than my University where everything happened due to pandemic but I am always restless.
I cannot even stand close to my own father whom I love a lot. I feel scared beyond anything whenever I get the thought that I will return to my University and that city soon. Basically, I am under a constant fear. How to deal with this...
@energeticThinker3129
Hey Energeticthinker,
Thanks for taking the courage to come out here and share your story with us, I can imagine how painful that must be for every time you get the flashbacks, it's sad what happened, I understand that you feel traumatised by what happened and that's what makes you feel anxious and scared and that's common after we got hurt in such an awful way, Im glad you reached out to our community we are going to do everything possible to support you! ❤
Green. 💚
@Greenchoice1
Thank you Green for trying to understand and showing support💚
I'm so sorry it hear about this. I understand. I was assaulted at 22 and I'm turning 24. It sucks. I loved boys and being flirty but now I'm distance from them and it sucks. I was also bullied by boys growing up which hurt me and lowered my self esteem. I can't even look at anyone in the eyes because of my assault. I'm turning 24 soon and I just made the first step to regain my voice by contacting the assault hotline. I'm getting the resources that I need in the morning to go further and I'm talking more about it to my therapist. I know it may take months or years for me to get better but it's worth the risk.
Just remember there are resources and people around you that can help you. The first step is scary but it'll be worth the journey. I hope you can heal from your pain.
@sarahtonen23
Hey Sarah,
I can feel how traumatising the unfortunate incidents might have been. My heart goes out to you...thank you for reminding me that I am not alone and that there are resources to seek help from. I try to take as much help as I can and take regular therapy sessions but as you said there is no fixed timeline but it's worth hustling with...
Wishing you too all the luck with healing, thank you for replying.