Understanding Verbal Abuse Signs

The problem with verbal abuse is that it can happen to anyone and anywhere, whether at work, at home, at school, or on the road. The voices in your head that diminish you or your belief in yourself could also make you a victim of verbal abuse. In this case, you allow your inner critic to put you down. Individuals that use verbal abuseagainst others do so as an attempt to control the victims behavior, thoughts, and feelings. The abuser usually manipulates victims into doing their bidding, sometimes under the guise of love or respect.

The Definition of Verbal Abuse

If you believe verbal abuse is just name-calling, then you may not recognize it if it happens to you. However, if you keep yourself educated on verbal abuse signs and symptoms, you can protect yourself and the ones you love and care about from a lot of emotional pain. The definition of verbal abuse should be expanded to include any language or behavior that aims to force the victim to doubt his or her perceptions or capabilities; the abuser usually uses this as a technique to get the victim to do as he or she pleases. Verbal abuse is not always easy to spot. Sometimes the abuser makes subtle statements and may say that his or her intentions were pure even if his or her words or behaviors were hurtful to the victim.

There is more to verbal abuse than using offensive language to humiliate the victim. Verbal abuse does not only cause damage through spoken words.

Body Language

An individuals body language can also become a form of verbal abuse. Humans in general read body language before they hear words. Our minds are wired to interpret body language into words that we can understand. Certain gestures can become a form of verbal abuse. For instance, giving someone the middle finger is an offensive form of abuse; a strangling motion directed at someone is regarded as a threat of choking. Flicking open a knife to cause intimidation and looking at someone menacingly are other examples of abuse.

Yelling

Yelling is one of the many ways through which people express their displeasure about something. It often occurs in most, if not all, relationships; however, when it crosses the line, it turns into full-blown abuse. In some cases, the abuse can be loud and obnoxious, for example, when your spouse becomes aggressively angry and starts yelling at you if you dont load the dishwasher the way he thought it should be. This is an unhealthy way of expressing ones anger.

Yelling is even more harmful when it is directed at children. According to research, it may be just as harmful as physical discipline. Loud and consistent yelling can make children more aggressive and increases their risk for depression. Children that are more sensitive than others will feel scared by the rise in the volume of your voice. In the future, they may even develop behavior-related problems.

The Silent Treatment

Verbal abuse can also take the form of silence. Someone may give you the silent treatment, which involves ignoring the needs or communication of another person. Its like telling them, I dont think you are important enough, so I am not even acknowledging your presence. This technique is often used by narcissists to punish their victims. The abuser behaves in a passive-aggressive manner to express his or her anger by ignoring or not speaking to the victim.

People who give others the silent treatment often do so because they want to make their victims feel unworthy or guilty about something. They may also want their victim to apologize about something. Victims of the silent treatment often end up feeling isolated, intimidated, and insignificant. They may also feel angry, defiant, or resentful.

Humiliation and Degradation

Verbal abusers make derogatory comments about any group their victim may belong to, such as gender, career, or religion. When confronted, the abuser often says, I wasnt talking about you. I meant them. They also make fun of their victims, in public and in private, and insult their ideas, behaviors, and beliefs. Abusers comment negatively about people, places, and things that their victims love and think highly of.

Abusers will make remarks about certain qualities that are true about you, but they will say it in a tone that will make you feel defensive. When they say things that are offensive to you, they will dismiss it as a joke. Verbal abusers deliberately choose their words and tone to manipulate their victims. They will say things like, You misunderstood me! or I was just joking! to get themselves out of a difficult situation.

The Impact of Verbal Abuse on Victims

Although its scars are not visible, verbal abuse still leaves deep emotional scars on a victim. Verbal abuse victims often experience the following.

– They feel nervous when approaching the abuser with certain topics.

– They are insulted on a regular basis (abusers use foul language with seemingly normal requests).

– They always tell on themselves about innocent events lest their abuser finds out later and punishes them.

– They feel misunderstood for the most part of their relationship.

– They start doubting their own sanity, intelligence, and communication skills.

– They also doubt their own memories because they remember events and conversations differently than their abuser.

– They are blamed for the abusers behavior and actions. Its always the victims fault that they lose control over themselves.

– They always feel scared and threatened by their abusers.

How can we escape this?

No one, anywhere, is immune to verbal abuse. Even if the abuse has no visible signs, it still exists.

Look for someone you trust and talk to them, such as a parent, friend, or sibling, about your current situation. Seek their help to get out of the situation. Do not allow yourself to be a victim. Be a survivor. We are all here to offer you support!