i dont even know if it's actually ptsd
there might be triggering stuff in here but i dont have the heart to list it right now
in my childhood my dad had a farm and i had no choice but to work on it because i had no choice but to do what he said or else he'd whip me with a paddle. at the time, i thought getting whipped by a paddle and being antagonized by him was the worst thing in the world and i was too afraid of him to stick up for myself, but i guess over time ive learned the hard way that the mental scars i have from what he made me do at a young age is way more scary than getting whipped
this is an issue that may only bother me and no one else, and everyone else may think im stupid for it, but whatever. when i was young, one of the tasks on this farm involved me witnessing animals getting slaughtered. since then, the topic of eating meat has always been a bit weird for me. but it was repressed well enough
but within the past few months, ive gotten so repulsed by meat that i cant even force it down, or maybe it's just that the thought of eating it makes me very distressed because it messes with my morals. i get images of harmed animals in my brain and it's disgusting and disturbing. i also cant look at images of ducks.
if any of these disturbing forms of imagery appears in my brain when i was thinking of something positive moments prior, im worried that thought is ruined forever
i used to be fine with eating fish, but today is the first day i get disturbed by it. i ate leftover sushi and proceeded to have a crisis. it's in my body now i dont know what the hell to do. im freaking out
@intellectualBeechwood8141
You need to let the inner wound heal because that’s what it’s screaming out to do. You’re ready otherwise it wouldn’t be knocking on your door. Like a fever hits peak discomfort before it breaks you are at a critical point and As someone who has been down this road here’s what worked for me - I call it RAIN with carE using the 4Ds.
Now when trauma is healing, it does what any illness or wound will do...come to the surface and asks for attention. It does so first very quietly...then if not treated properly will become louder over time. If we weren’t taught about this we may ignore it or make things worse simply because we don’t know how to heal. Good news is the body and mind is incredibly resilient; we have the capacity to heal from the final stages of cancer, severe mental illness and broken backs so take heart.
RAIN stands for Recognize, Allow, Investigate and Nourish. carE stands for clear communication, award achievements, reward and recognition and Empathy. And the 4Ds are delay, distract, deep breath and drink water.
All this knowledge naturally occurs in you...as a human we are designed with this ability...it’s just a matter of learning to trust it using signposts such as the above.
Like a chronic boil or broken arm this won’t heal overnight so remember your roots - they’re holding you fast to your true self and won’t let go, ever.
We’re all here on this journey with you, dancing in the same winds, healing from similar wounds. You got this. I believe in you! I believe in all of us because we are capable and those who have healed before us shine the light of their strength, experience and hope for all to see.
The clouds may cover that sun sometimes and yet those are sacred times...they show us who we truly capable of being...how tall we can stand in the darkness, how beautiful in our vulnerability and quiet nobility. Our humanity.