Why is This Happening Now?
Growing up, I suffered a lot of emotional abuse from my mother. I grew up hearing things like, "You're lazy, you will never amount to anything, you don't try hard enough, you're selfish", and the like.
I spent years in therapy dealing with this. I reached a point where it had less effect on me, other than little self-esteem.
Depression has always been a part of my life. But for years now, mom issues haven't been a problem.
A month ago, the store I worked for closed down, leaving me unemployed. I'm applying to lots of jobs, but am finding rejection, and financial problems. That fuels Depression, which fuels self-doubt, which fuels Depression (hamster wheel). I tend to not do much when I get like this.
Ive had that little voice in my head telling me those old messages. But recently the little voice is my mother's voice. Suddenly I feel like the wounded 10 year old again.
I thought I had moved past this. Will it ever end? I wish I could keep the past in the past.
It doesn't help that my therapist is away for a couple weeks.
