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PTSD and Parents
AJisthename October 11th, 2015
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Dad, I hate you yet I don't and I don't actually know what i am supposed to feel about you. I am so torn right now. I know you won't get you will flip out on me cause you think im being a over dramatic pip-squeak but you tainted something of mine and i can't forgive you for that.

People who haven't been through similar or just as traumatic experiences as i have won't get this but like we hold the things that have helped us through bad times super close to us. We don't want the people who hurt us to know or touch or see these things. Why did you have to go looking through my mail! I didn't even give you permission. You just picked it up an opened it and there it was. The thing that closely relates to what has gotten me through bad times. You touched it. Your hands were all over it. I hate you. You saw it you know i have it. You read the paystub that came with it. It's bad enough you question every little thing i buy but this is worse. All I see now what i look at it is your face and your germs all over this magical thing. It disgusts me . It's like you forced your way into a part of my life again that you never asked permission to be a part of. Thank goodness it only cost me 60 cents but i can't love it the way i was going to anymore cause you tainted it for me.

Do other people go through this or is it just me.

I hate this

That thing meant so much to me and you ruined it.

I'm crying.

You make me sick.

edited by Rain45 moved to Trauma Community due to forum restructuring

4
amiableCup5404 October 11th, 2015
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hi

im so sorry he ruined it. it feels as if that he has contaminated it. i have one thing i hold dear and close and if it was to be contaminated i wouldnt be able to feel normal. it was given to me after my trauma and it is personal to me.

im not really sure if this will help you but i wanted to say im sorry for what he did

AJisthename OP October 11th, 2015
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@amiableCup5404 Thank you for understanding and making me feel less alone. I can never tell if what I go through is normal or mental illness specific anymore. I just hope that one day I can enjoy this thing again and watch the show that it's from again. I hope your special item never gets contaminated. That's a good word for it. Thanks for being so kind.

SilverWaterfall October 11th, 2015
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Hello, I'm sorry that you experienced this *hugs*. Feel free to talk to a listener about it if you want to :) .

AJisthename OP October 11th, 2015
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@SilverWaterfall Thanks that's nice of you to say. I might talk to someone about it after work but whenever i chat with someone about stuff like this it is very awkward. Thanks again.

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