Overwhelmed C-PTSD

@Pinkdahalia omg I am so sorry that happened to you. Of course all the other traumas would haunt you especially now. Please be kind to yourself right now, mind your thoughts and self talk, you need alot of TLC right now. Are you in therapy? I know it must still be very raw for you right now and may even be hard to talk about but just having a witness to your suffering is a step to healing. I wish you all the best and please be gentle with yourself.

Hey Pink, I feel you on this. Rape is nothing but pure trauma and I too have had a life with major depression, anxiety, ptsd and more. From childhood till now I have been coping with the aftermath of growing up without anyone to keep me safe. I was raped (again) as an adult a few years ago by someone who groomed me into the situation. It was violent and overwhelming. I never thought I would be back in that place. I can identify with you and I want to let you know that you are not alone. I'm here if you want to talk.

@Pinkdahalia

First of all, I am so sorry that happened to you. It is awful and I can only imagine how hard it must be to reclaim your identity and sense of self when you're feeling so small and helpless. (Skip to the starred ** section for steps on how to deal with panic attacks caused by trauma)

Your body has kept the score of what happened to you and it sounds like each time you are immersed in traumatic memories, your body has very physical responses. Trauma, by definition, is unbearable and intolerable. I have experienced similar severe, traumatic flashbacks, and it really does take tremendous amounts of energy to keep functioning as an adult while carrying those memories of terror, and the shame of utter weakness and vulnerability.

It completely makes sense that you can't sleep alone and I'm really hoping that your friend gets better. I am keeping her in my thoughts. I am also sorry that you've been forced to go on anti-anxiety medication, just to be able to function. I know that talking about it tends to just make it worse, leading to even stronger panic attacks. Thus, I want to list some ways to calm your fight-or-flight response, through a trauma-based methodology, from literature+shaped with my own experiences with trauma.

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It is clear that the alarm in your body affects your mind and gives you panic attacks. As soon as you're aware of yourself during or after the traumatic flashback itself, you need to calm your bodily reactions and your fight-or-flight response that goes off.

At that moment when you’re having panic attack-like symptoms, first try to identify what parts of your body are feeling pained and then apply pressure against them as you take deep breaths.

Simple method: Place one hand on your chest and apply pressure. Place your other hand on your diaphragm and take deep breaths that move your stomach, placing your hand there will make it easier to breathe deeply (no need to apply pressure here).

Keep following that method until you can breathe independently a bit. If your fight-or-flight response is still going off strongly even after that, move one of your hands to the spot beneath your ear and right above your jaw. Apply pressure here with two fingers and hold it there/massage it. This stimulates your vagus nerve directly to physiologically calm down that response.

Once you can yawn, you're good to go.

Learning to observe and tolerate physical reactions to feelings is a prerequisite to any further thought and trauma exploration. I personally find that applying pressure with my hands against my lower neck and chest region helps me calm down a little bit. Once I can be calm enough to voice my own thoughts, I move on to step 2.

Step 2: Have new, positive experiences that contradict the negative emotions you feel when you are having flashbacks, etc.

Although Step 2 is a more long-term step, I find that a similar calming effect can be achieved if I voice or write down affirmations that contradict how the trauma flashbacks are making me feel and acknowledge that the flashbacks/hallucinations are not real. I say “This isn’t real”, “You’re okay”, “I’m okay”, “I am strong”, or “I am safe”— any phrase that can help me break free from the mental aspect of it. Becoming aware of what traumatic thoughts trigger physical sensations and hallucinations can help you formulate what thoughts to repeat to yourself to calm down.

In a long-term sense, building positive relationships with others has helped me to be more open and kind to myself. Calming myself just enough to have the courage to open up— and then seeing and experiencing things that directly contradict my trauma has been very helpful in a long-term sense. This helps to rebuild neural pathways, as mentioned in step 3.

Step 3: Rebuild new neural pathways through processing traumatic memories

I only recommend this step once you can successfully use steps 1 and 2 to calm your flashbacks without needing any more than 12 hours. In Step 3, you should process and put the trauma into words so that you can recognize what exactly it is that is causing these physical responses.

Even as I have completed all three steps, I still get triggered to this day and find myself pressing on my chest, breathing deeply, and whispering affirmations. I don't often vocalize the trauma once I'm already aware of it- no need to trigger the flashbacks. Trauma is something that isn’t easily healed, but I wanted to share with you the trauma-informed methodology that worked for me and what gave me further insight into myself. Over time, c-ptsd can cause you to dissociate and can make this process even more difficult, as you have to sit with the alarm in your body first before trying to mentally work through any traumatic memories.

I wish you good luck and I recommend you the book “The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and the Body in the Healing of Trauma”, by Bessel Van Der Kolk.