Manipulated and betrayed by men. Now I dont have trust any longer.
2 years have passed, but I'm still sitting here, tears streaming down my face whenever I think about what happened. I feel completely broken and lost.
It all started in October 2021 with Antonio, that fool from Puerto Rico. We were in a long-distance relationship and, after months of talking, we decided to meet in April 2022. I had no idea that this would turn into the worst experience of my life.
As the date to meet approached, we fought more and more. He became insecure but didn’t tell me, and when he finally arrived in Vietnam, he had second thoughts.
The nightmare began. He didn’t tell me about his insecurities and lied about flying to my province. I waited THREE HOURS at the airport, excited to meet him... but he never showed up. When I finally messaged him, he confessed that he wasn’t ready.
I cried. I cried more than I thought was humanly possible. My heart felt like it was breaking, and I didn’t even know how to stop. I couldn’t walk, so strangers had to put me in a wheelchair and take me to a waiting room. I was completely shattered.
But the story didn’t end there...
A few days later, he decided to come after all, but once again, he lied. Instead of coming to meet me, he flew to Japan and told me he had been deported and robbed of all his money. I panicked, flew 1000 km to meet him... only to find out it was another lie. Two lies in one week. I couldn’t take it anymore.
He told me he wasn’t ready, that all the fights had left him mentally disturbed, and that he was afraid our relationship would turn bitter. I wanted to fix things. I loved him. I forgave him. So I gave him another chance.
The cycle repeated.
In September, he returned to Vietnam. Again, I waited for him. And again, he lied. He missed his flight and rescheduled. When he finally made it to Vietnam, he said he wasn’t ready to meet me. He made up an excuse about food poisoning, and when I offered help, he snapped: “You can’t help yourself, how can you help me?”
He stayed for a month before flying back to the US, leaving me feeling like I was nothing.
Sometimes, I still cry, and sometimes, I feel so ashamed. I can’t believe I let someone hurt me like this. I still blame myself for being so blind, for loving him so deeply that I lost all self-respect in the process.
@Dellanguyen
Your pain is valid, and what you experienced was emotional trauma - not a reflection of your worth.
What happened to you wasn't your fault. Antonio's repeated betrayals and manipulations were deliberate actions that speak volumes about his character, not about your lovability or value. You didn't "let" anything happen - you were a victim of emotional abuse and gaslighting.
Key Points of Healing:
1. Emotional Validation
- Your feelings are completely normal
- Grief isn't linear
- Healing takes time, and there's no "correct" timeline
2. Recognizing Abuse
- His actions were intentional and manipulative
- Repeatedly lying and breaking promises is emotional abuse
- You deserved respect, honesty, and genuine love
3. Self-Compassion Practices
- Stop blaming yourself
- Recognize your strength in surviving this
- You showed immense love and patience
- Your capacity to love is beautiful, not weak
4. Healing Suggestions
- Consider trauma-informed therapy
- Join support groups for emotional abuse survivors
- Practice journaling
- Build a supportive friend network
- Focus on self-love and rebuilding trust
5. Personal Growth
- This experience doesn't define you
- You are worthy of genuine, honest love
- Your pain doesn't diminish your value
- Every day, you're getting stronger
Remember: You are not broken. You are a survivor, learning, growing, and healing. Your capacity to love deeply is a strength, not a weakness.
Stay strong and trust yourself
@Dellanguyen
It's not your fault and you don't deserve to blame yourself. He betrayed you and lied to you; you had strong emotions for him that made you see the best in him and want to be compassionate and give him another chance. That's something many of us have done before. We often have stories of seeing the best in people who didn't deserve it or trusting when they weren't worthy of that trust. It's a very human thing and you're absolutely not alone. It's not the same situation, but I did put a lot of trust in someone I liked and who I thought liked me, only to get badly hurt. I get feeling ashamed and like you lost self-respect, that's what I've struggled a lot with too, but I think it's important to be kind to yourself and to understand that your kindness and trust in someone doesn't justify the way you're negatively treated.
@Dellanguyen hi, your post touched me very deeply, but i have a favor to ask of you. Kind of a big favor. And as a random internet stranger, i am really sorry. But can you please do me a favor and for a minute i want you to picture me telling you that I had a similar story. I met and developed such strong emotions for someone i met online, and my heart was full of love and compassion and many times over many years they lied, betrayed, and hurt me. But each time, I wanted to badly to believe in them, and believe they would do better, and believe it was just something they were going through and they didn't really want to hurt me, they couldn't help it, and i was even filled with compassion for them, even though they kept hurting me again.
What do you think about me? I have a feeling (and I could be wrong here), but is it possible you feel compassion and understanding for me? Maybe you even believe i'm a really good person with a huge heart who was taken advantage of by someone who didn't deserve my love, but that is not my fault and that you feel almost protective toward me and wish i find someone who deserves all this love i'm capable of? If someone walked up to me and told me "you should be ashamed of yourself for falling for them over and over, you are a blind fool, and you don't deserve my respect", wouldn't you be horrified? Would you be ready to do almost do violence on my behalf, because they are lashing out at me, when my biggest sin is being a good person with a big heart and a huge capacity to love?
All these feelings you might be having for me, i am having for you hon, even tho we are random internet strangers. I am filled with love and compassion for you, and your heart. I am so impressed and inspired by your forgiveness but also by your resilience and hope in the good nature of people. I wish More people were like you. All those feelings you imagined having if i was in your situations, that is what I wish more than anything that you could feel for yourself, because everyone who is a halfway decent person who reads your story feels that love and compassion and understanding for you, and wishes so bad you could feel all these good feelings we are directing at you. You are someone to be admired, not beaten down for being a good person. if you would not tolerate someone saying those things to me, please please stop listening to you say it about yourself. It's not true hon, you have so much good in you. After i read your story, you have my deepest respect. And i hope it's not saying to much to say if you read me saying the same, i would probably have yours?
I wish you all the best, and please please imagine someone else going through what you went through, even use me if it helps, and feel those feelings you have for them and identify them and reflect on how that is how i feel for you and wish you felt for yourself.
Love and so much compassion,
Summer
@Dellanguyen awww sweetie I'm sorry 😥 it's hard to process what goes through people's heads, and how they can hurt you so easily. I understand you must be heartbroken and angry 🙁 gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤ don't give up on people or love, you will find your prince ❤
