Finding true connection seems impossible*trigger warning
Heartless abuse of my heart. Humans are consistently disappointing. I feel I am a magnet for the worst of humans to come into my life pretending to care for me. Then once I'm in their trap they use and abuse me then throw me away when they've gotten what they wanted.
I'm such a vulnerable trauma victim I'm an easy f#$##@ target for these @s$h0les. I can thank my abusive father for breaking my spirit so very young and brainwashing me into believing I'm a worthless person. Not one scrap of love or approval from him just set me up for a lifetime of accepting abuse from other predators. Emotional and physical abuse poured down on me and my siblings. PTSD following me... This allowed so many to hurt me. I don't want to feel this empty hollow of pain from my inability to connect with good ppl. To find real love and care from a partner. To have a safe loving connection with another. Not to find myself in a narcissistic relationship.
Love is the one thing I have looked for and can never find. I find myself in complete despair and utter hopelessness. I will leave here someday without real love. It's so completely sad. The pain never goes away.
Chester Benningtons song " Lost" speaks clearly to this kind of pain. Healing seems impossible.
Craving connection and unable to find it. Maybe it's me I can't trust especially after numerous attempts at connection only to be burned deeply . I feel so alone and desperate.
ABB
Do you ever feel like there seems to be like a sign on a person letting users know a person is vulnerable. I see so much of this when people who have been through enough seem to attract the same type of user again.
Maybe it is a fact you have stayed open to others even after previous hurt. i have the opposite problem i am too skeptical and see potential problems with almost everyone. I do not let anyone get close to hurt me ....... still ends up lonely and without the sincere connection that i always hoped for.
@toughTiger6481
Thx for responding Tiger, you are always so good with insights. From what I've learned in therapy I think it has something to do with attachment style I think there's four different kinds and of course I have the avoidant one because I don't trust I need to do more research on that..
ABB 💜
