i never want to tell anybody. is that okay?
trigger warning obviously, im too tired to filter myself.
so, i was sexually assaulted over a period of five years by a boy a couple years older than me, when i was six. it happened frequently, and i hated it, but i didnt tell anyone because when kids used to hurt me and i went home bleeding or something, i got in trouble for "having bad friends". basically, im always responsible for what happens to me, so it would be better to hide it. as he got older he slowly stopped, and we didnt talk about it. he's REALLY close with my family and friends, and he seems to act like it never happened. he kinda vaguely apologized sorta maybe, it was really inspecific but i feel like he was trying? it doesnt really matter. i dont ever want to talk to anyone about it, pretty much as long as i live, but is that OK? alot of people have been talking about the subject recently and ever time it comes up everyone is very REPORT THEM and idk why. it hurts more to talk about it, especially to him, than ignoring it. he's still kinda physical, like just placing his hand places he doesnt touch other people, or like if a large group is on the couch he always ends up pushed up close to me, and it makes me kinda panicky. i dont want to say anything, but people act like that silence is wrong? i just want to live normally. i would pay him to not talk about it. i just want to be left alone. i just wish i could forget it ever happened.
please help, in really twisted up inside over this.
@RaspberryRiver
Hi
I'm so sorry for everything that terrible boy did to you. The way he ''appologized" is not enough, but I suggest not paying him or he may use it against you if he really hasn't changed.
Also, you most definitely DO NOT have to tell anyone ever, bit if one day you feel like you want to, go ahead!
Hope I helped💙
just for anyone who cares, the camping trip went horribly, and im never sleeping in a tent again for the rest of my life.
@RaspberryRiver hi, I'm new here and I just read your story. I'm so so sorry that all of this is happening to you. None of it is your fault. I promise even though it seems impossible right now, there is a world where you can be free of your parents' control and escape this abusive person. I've been through some of the same things. Are you okay? What happened at the camping trip?
@amiableCar7803 hey, thanks for reading my story. so, what i was worried would happen is he would take the opportunity to take advantage of me again, after all this time. instead he did something worse, something i couldnt even imagine. we werent in the same tent, and i got one alone. in the middle of the night, he came over to my tent and just STAYED THERE. and laid on me. and i had no clue what he was thinking. but in the morning, the rest of the group noticed and they just teased us and "ooh"ed, so NOW, he's made everyone think we're a couple. so now. him touching me... isnt weird to them. so ill have even fewer boundaries. and the only place he wont be free to do whatever he wants is my house. which he never could anyway. so im afraid he's trying to not let me go. ever. im so scared.
@RaspberryRiver, you're not alone and you're not trapped. He has no right to violate your boundaries and isolate you and control you. You deserve so much better. Your life can be so much better than this. I'm so sorry this is happening and I know it's been going on for a really long time. We need to get you out of there. I know there are resources related to therapy & housing & maybe jobs and I know you've already thought about all of this a million times, but you really do deserve better. Full stop. Not someday, but now. You've been through enough. You don't have to do this alone. Would you consider calling the sexual assault line to talk to somebody anonymously about your situation and maybe some options that could help you get out? The number's 1-800-656-4673 and I think it's 24/7. It could change everything to have an ally/advocate/somebody to support you as you figure out how to get out of this situation. You're not alone. I'm so sorry this is happening to you.