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forever changed

Lavendaire October 28th, 2019

it's hard to believe that something that happened so long ago still affects me. maybe by caring so much i'm only giving him what he wanted. i'll never understand why he did what he did. i trusted him and i was only a child.

now i say i'm asexual because saying i'm asexual is easier than saying "i have a fractured relationship with sex because of deep-seated trauma stemming from sexual abuse". i say i'm nonbinary because that's easier to say than "i feel disconnected with my gender because of how my body was used and abused".

am i only making things worse for myself by labeling myself so? am i just reveling in my own trauma? am i making things worse for myself by clinging onto these labels instead of moving on? i don't know and i don't think i ever will

1
CommunityModAlex October 28th, 2019

@Lavendaire Hello, welcome to Trauma Support Community! I am glad that you have reached out to here.

I am really sorry to hear about your past and your feelings are truly valid as that traumatic experience was really very difficult to deal, I understand from where you are feeling like that :( also I want to remind you, it was not your fault, it was that person's fault! Do you feel at this point, you really want to get out of your past? What do you feel about it?