Why can't I just leave him?

@Rhaena Only you can answer that. What is it that makes you believe about his lies? Are you afraid of leaving? Are you afraid you don't deserve any better?

Unfortunately none of us can ever really know except yourself.

Hi @Rhaena Sounds like you are in a tough place right now, and I'm guessing its anything but easy for you. So well done for reaching out.

You say "I need to get out" and I was just wondering if that is something you plan to do or is it something you are thinking about?

If you are thinking about it, I dont know if this will help you. If you are still with him, then he must be meeting a need of yours, and it might help you if you could identify that need. ( eg maybe a need to feel loved, he tells you that he loves you and that is exactly what you need to hear) and it might help you if you consider how else you might fulfil that need.

Then you might not need him anymore.

I hope that that helps in a small way.

take care

@Rhaena thats because you love him accept it and leave him thats when youll get out of the nightmare and then there be pain and lots of it your human we both know this isnt gonna end well and its already terrible you already know what to do you just need a friend or a person to tell you i hope you leave him for good and go through the pain and tbh depression is the best thing that happened to me ive learnt a lot from it and when you leave him for good which you are gonna do idc no excuses RIGHT NOW after you do that go through the pain accept it thats how youll get over it and try not to be alone and listen to good music not sad music trust me on that the end of the day you have to leave him do like RIGHT NOW yes rn get out what are you waiting for GO GO!

@Rhaena

I can relate to you on this.... my ex (my sons dad) lead me into this relationship thats was built with dishonesty cheating and abuse.... 13 years of my life I threw away over a man who never loved me he lived to control me and loved to hurt me.... you see I met him when I was 16 years old and my friends try to warn me about him but I mean how many of us listen... at 18 I recently had my daughter (not with my ex) another man... back to when I was 16 I had went over to my exs house to hang out well we hung out and he took away my virginity than disappeared thats when my daughters dad comes in the picture we lasted for bout a year I got pregnant and he left me to deal with a baby all alone (thank god for my parents) I just had my daughter she had to be bout 6 weeks old well guess who shows up in the picture my ex well he charmed me over so we started being together bout 2 months later the first 2 years were great so I thought... I ended up moving in with him and my daughter (this man took my daughter in as she was his own ) she absolutely loved him more than she loved her dad until this day she will tell you that! Well things started to not make sense he would lie tell me he was going here but wasnt there coming him extremely late fighting with me kicking me out the first girl man he would take her to his house around his family than call me with he misses me crap work me to win me over still didnt know bout her yet well I went back to him he was asleep and I notice his phone was off so I took it and went to the bathroom and bam it was blowing up with text baby were are you? I miss you blah blah blah so I contributed him well he was kick to turn it on me you see everything was always my fault or I wasnt good enough and if u seen this girl man Im not the best looking female but really... that was the first one I found out bout as time went by there were more plenty of them but because his words cut me so bad I felt worthless and no good so I stood I loved him I was in love with him he hit me made me have sex call me the ugliest names ever over over and over the physical wasnt so bad as the verbal he would say Im fat and everyone tells me Im crazy if I think that

@Rhaena

but because he said and used the worse so much they still hunt me well this guy lived a way that was unbelievable like he didnt care bout anyone but his self and I knew it but I stood and because he threaten me a lot too sooo years later I got pregnant with now my 8 year old son like me tell u my son isnt the 1st time I was pregnant by my ex either it was just the one he was happy about and wanted three months into my pregnancy I get a call its the same girl he has been cheating on me with for the past three years well she asked me if her baby daddy is there yup u guess it she was pregnant to our now sons are two months apart and to top it off she name her son after my ex the man I was with I loved after me finding out she pregnant I completely cut ties with him I went threw my whole pregnancy alone up until the day I had my son and guess who shows up .... you see 13 years later I live in this fear of not trusting a man I get so overwhelmed I shut them out of my life and stop talking to them let me tell u all something my sons dad is no longer here with us and dont get me wrong this man loves my kids he loves my daughter he was a dad to them but me I was a different story he passed away February from a drug overdose and I have gotten worse ever since the fear of moving on cause now I can move on with nothing gonna happen to the guy I choose to be with or me but I still fear it the words still hunt me I feel ugly worthless and no good I feel like a let down the trust well u can say I dont trust no one especially a man they all cheat and lie anyways I build this wall up so high I cant knock it down my boss has talked to me in ways I shut down n think bout my past so I try to fight back with my words he also has disrespected me in a way as a woman as in taking away my rights in doing things at my job to having to go threw him for every lil thing and to me that is just the most hateful thing any man can do to try to be little a woman (I work in customer service) I deal with customers all day I dont hurt no one but everyone hurts me no one helps me no one is there for me Im lost now Im lost cause I dont have my ex to fall back on I cant go back to what Im used to I have to move on and that gives me the worse anxiety ever good luck with u sorry my post is so long

The more I hear or read about things like this, the more I am reaffirmed in my belief that relationships are incredibly complicated. The easy answers only apply to those looking in from the outside. "If you only could do xyz, your life would be abc.." is something I think people in problematic relationships hear far too often. I really hope you have someone in your life who just listens to you without judgment, without offering all sorts of "helpful" advice, and is just present and there for you with their ears wide open.