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Rhaena
238 M Embraced 2
PathStep 31 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts13 Forum upvotes15 Current upvotes15 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2018 Member sinceApril 20, 2018
Recent forum posts
Why am I not releived?
Trauma Support / by Rhaena
Last post
 August 12th, 2018
...See more He broke up with me today after beating the crap out of me 2 weeks ago. And after years of emotional abuse. Why am I even sad about this? I don't understand how there is even a part of me that doesn't want him to leave. He has been terrible and I've been terrible back. Yet for some reason I'm still sitting here crying because I don't want to lose him. None of this makes sense
I just don't want to feel anything anymore.
Trauma Support / by Rhaena
Last post
 July 28th, 2018
...See more Every thing hurts. All the time. It's just one bad thing after another. Even when people are trying to be helpful I'm just terrible because for some reason I don't think that they're actually trying to help. Even though I know they are, my brain convinces me otherwise. It's like I'm incapable of being happy. I'm just sad and broken all the time. And I push everyone away until they actually do hate me like my brain has convinced me they do. I just raised the dosage on my antidepressants and I feel like I've just gotten worse. I feel like nothing is ever going to fix this
Why can't I just leave him?
Trauma Support / by Rhaena
Last post
 July 25th, 2018
...See more Why? Why is it that no matter how many times he cheats and lies I stay? That no matter how incredibly terrible he is I just stay? That every single time he acts like the night before never happened I just let him? I don't even understand. I am fully aware that I mean nothing to him. Yet every time he says how much he loves me I just let him. I just let him continue to lie. You'd think that after the first girl that would be the end. But nope, 30 and counting. And I know he won't stop. He even says he won't stop. Yet here I am. Just allowing him to bring girl upon girl into my bed while I'm at work. And he's already acting like it never even happened while it's only been a matter of hours. How can someone possibly be this week to just keep dealing with this on a daily basis? I need to just get out.
Everyone is dying.
Trauma Support / by Rhaena
Last post
 June 28th, 2018
...See more 2 years ago my mom died from cancer. 1 year ago both of my great grandparents died of cancer. 6 months ago my papa (grandfather) was diagnosed with cancer. Today my nana (grandmother) was diagnosed with cancer. On top of all of that it's getting bad again. My pills apparently just aren't helping anymore. I can barely get out of bed. When I do get up it's hard for me to do anything. My 3 year old just comforted me because I was crying and told me to come sit on the couch and watch paw patrol with her. I know that I need to get a handle on it, especially because I have her. But it's so hard when it feels like something bad is happening at every turn. That no matter how good I feel something will happen to crush any ounce of happiness that enters my brain.
Told my boyfriend about my crappy childhood
Trauma Support / by Rhaena
Last post
 June 1st, 2018
...See more So I explained why I hate drugs so much to him. I always hate when I have to talk about it. When they give you that sad look and how you just know how bad they feel for you, but you don't want them to feel bad. Having others feel bad for me just makes me feel worse, you know? But I mean, how do you say "my mother was an addict who barely had custody of us and when she did she'd pretend her dealers weren't raping me because God forbid her drug supply be cut off" to people and expect them to not feel bad? Especially when it isn't even for that purpose and it's just for them to understand why you're so incredibly mentally unstable. Plus after they know that you start to wonder if they're confused about why you miss her. Like, it's a little messed up to miss someone that completely destroyed your mental health rather than being happy that they're dead. I guess it's hard to hate the person that gave you life even if the life they gave you sucked. I don't know. Anyway, I just needed to vent to someone that I don't actually know to try and make me feel less crappy about having to talk about it. By talking about it more, because that makes sense lol
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