Where Is My Mother's Love?
When I was a child, my mother started dating this man her brother was friends with in high school. Instantly me, my younger sister and brother knew something was off about him. He never spoke to us, was very selfish and self centered and this was just the "calm" before the storm. Only three months after he and my mother hooked up she announced to me she was pregnant with his child... I felt broken. Something was off about this guy and my mother couldn't see it. She was so "in love". At this time I wasn't really seeing my father like I used to because he was going through a rough time with his girlfriend and didn't want us around that. Then one night, my mom's boyfriend came in drunk, something that became the usual, and started hooping and hollering about how my 6 year old brother needed to stop wrestling with his son and being rough with him. What did he expect, they were boys.... He antagonized us and kept turning off the TV before he slammed it on the floor and broke it. Then he picked my brother up (only 80-90lbs) and slammed him on a table. I, being the the big sister, attacked him in defense of my younger brother. He choked me and my sister and counsins yelled at him to leave us alone. He left the house and I catered to my brother, who couldn't breath and was crying his eyes out. My mother comes downstairs after it all, and when I asked to call my father she threatened me and told me not to call him, that it wa none of his business. I never told my father for six years while this type of drama and chaos continued.... I lived in depression and sadness for years, resenting my mother (but painfully loving her). I was conflicted and hurt and felt like I was constantly competing for her love, not realizing that it never belonged to me to beginning with. To this day my mother is still with him, and the reason why is beyond me... I am in college now and don't deal with him anymore, but my siblings still have to deal with him. He doesn't hit on them anymore because they are older and bigger, but he loves to argue and taunt them. My past haunts me, and the aching questions of whether my mother loves me. Sometimes I want to know if she really loves me, and then other times I want to just leave this question and these problems unsolved because I am afraid of what truths might come out. I just want to rid myself of this pain and these demons and get my siblings as far away from him and that house and my mother as possible. Because none of us are truly happy, and that's all that matters to me.
Absence of parent protection is the leading cause of child mortality. Does not look like many people here want to discuss this with you, however I'll take the opportunity to at least say I can relate.
My mother molested me until I was taken away at 12.
This sort of thing shouldn't happen. I've seen a lot in life that I can speculate the thoughts or lack of them your mother may be going through. Really when someone gets divorced it is like going through a death that is odder than a death because the other person is still alive. I've seen it happen where the former wife gets depressed and can not think clearly. She then rebounds with whomever looks her way and makes her forget her worries. It is super hard to go from some support from a husband to nothing and oh also have to raise kids. Once the connection is made it is hard to let go even if it is miserable. And a lot of times the woman feels powerless. I'm just stating what usually happens. And the fact that she didn't want you to tell your dad means she didn't want to be embarrassed by not picking someone that would be less than her former husband. There are lots of bad things that comes from divorce and it affects the children too.
This guy that your mother is with seems pretty bad when he gets drunk. You could have called the police on him and he would have been in big trouble. You probably still can if he still does stuff like that. Probably, I'm not sure but, I don't know if the police will do anything unless it is an immediate action. If it is mostly when he gets drunk then perhaps you could get someone to suggest for him to get help.
I think that you should talk to your parents about it. Perhaps separately. If you can't talk to your mom then write down your concerns to her in a letter. Be calm and respectful to her as you tell her. And perhaps add near the end of the letter that if she gets mad at you or threatens you for having legitimate concerns about your siblings then she isn't showing love to you and that is what you wanted from her; love. You should also write a letter to your dad just in case you are hesitant about telling him also. You should probably include how you would want them to respond to the situation. Not every detail because it is still up to the individual. Perhaps mention that blowing up at each other or the kids won't help the situation. But ignoring it isn't the solution either.