When your blamed for what happened...

The topic of this thread probably speaks to one of the reasons Im in a very bad place right now. Im getting many mixed messages. I have a trauma therapist trying to reinforce in my brain what happened to me (which I dont want to discuss)?wasnt my fault. Its very hard for me to be honest with others. Lately I feel so exhausted as if Im carrying bricks. I can barely get up. I cant do the things I want even though the desire is there. The sadness and loneliness is horrible. My eating disorder is just bringing me down fast.

Recently I was honest about that with a few people and how stupid that was. Im ashamed enough already but there reaction made me feel like crawling into a wall and hiding there for good. It was awful. I told my best friend about something that happened to me quite a few years back and instead of being supportive her reaction was telling me what she felt I should have done. God talk about reinforcing the feeling it was completely my fault. I feel horrible. I feel so stupid. I should know by now I cant be honest with people. I feel the pain Im in now is my fault because I should know better by now. Im not in a good place and its so hard alone.