What's Been Going On Since My Absence

I haven't been as active on here as I used to be. Anyway, I was doing really well lately. I was the happiest I had been in years. The thing is suddenly I've been struck again by my depression, and my anxiety is going really high too. I don't know why. Well, I might... See, I attempted to do it. I attempted to do the thing that has been bothering me these past few months. It wasn't really my idea, to begin with. It was completely random and spontaneous. I was freaking out. I couldn't stop hyperventilating. I realize now I might have been having a panic attack again. I'm never aware when it's happening. It doesn't occur to me. Anyway, my boyfriend tells me to calm down which is the worst advice ever. lol He told me to breathe. I did that, and somehow at the end that was the thing that calmed me down. I actually began to feel ready to do stuff. It didn't work out, but we'll try again. After that day, at first, I felt calm, no anxiety whatsoever. Now, it's hitting me at an extreme. I'm wondering if it's a late reaction to it and knowing that we're going to try again. It seems unlikely when I'm okay with it now. I'm also wondering why my depression suddenly hit again. I also find it funny to have a panic attack in relation to something that wasn't really caused by anything. I don't connect my trauma to my previous not wanting to up the intimacy. I know it can't be my trauma because when I finally got over it, that was still an issue. I just don't see how my thinking of all the worst possible outcomes would happen if I did it could cause that severe of a reaction. Our minds are funny that way.