What is happening to me?
I just noticed myself being easily overwhelmed, for example, I would get too happy if something nice happened to me whether big or small thing, or either too sad that I wouldn't even fall asleep when something bad happens. There are times that I get triggered by the things that are somehow connected to him (abuser, my ex bf), even small things such as seeing military films on tv, I get even more scared because I start to be afraid of men with the same race/religion as him, I always try to avoid them. I'm also starting to hate people with the same race/religion as him. My ex is an atheist. My stepdad is also an atheist. Sometimes, when my dad says something to my mom like, "It's going to be my way", since my parents always argue due to religion differences. I got triggered and just ended up crying in front of them because then I remembered the times when I was abused by my ex bf. I told my mom that she needs to find a way to leave my stepdad because he wants her to stop having her religion. He even asked her to choose between her religion or us, her family, which is not appropriate. I told my mom that I know how it feels to be manipulated like that, so if he continues, she needs to leave. She deserves better. That night, I have been crying and been triggered by everything. I have introduced my ex to my family, so it means he visited our home a few times. So I have imagined him sitting somewhere in our house, where we used to sit together, but he was angry and threatening my life... Something like that. I saw him everywhere. All I've heard is his voice, and I was scared to death. I was shaking while crying and so terrified. I don't know what happened. It happens often to me and I think it's something serious. I always get triggered like this and would end up crying a lot, even in the public. If someone out there can help me, please feel free to give me an advice or just anything, before I consult a doctor. I am honestly afraid of going to my doctor because of what might he say about my experiences. I am so scared to think if I'm sick.
@hayleynichole
What you are experiencing sounds incredibly terrifying and unbelievably stressful.
Triggers affect us all to varying degrees. For some of us, it might be just one thing that tips us that little too far. For others of us, it can be so many things in our lives that do the same. When you've suffered some form of trauma, that is actually a pretty natural thing to happen.
A simple example from my experience is after some major earthquakes here. The smallest tremor, and I mean the smallest tremor, takes me right back to that moment when the big one hit and the part of the building I was in came down. The small tremor, while trivial for others, takes me right back to a very traumatic time for me. I think in some ways, that may be what is happening to you but rather than being due to one trigger as in my case, you have memories in so many places that you feel so incredibly triggered.
I'm pleased that you're taking the step of consulting with a doctor. It's a terrifying step and I know from my experience that it is easy to get into the mindset that there is something wrong with being less than your best. The simple truth however is that those feelings are false. Those that I know, myself included, that did take that step are incredibly glad that we did so and, if truth is know, are the truly brave ones. So while it may frighten you to go to your doctor, they are there for you and they are there help you.
Good luck @hayleynicole!
