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hayleynichole
1,315 M Little Steps 4
PathStep 36 Compassion hearts26 Forum posts16 Forum upvotes10 Current upvotes10 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 1970 Member sinceMay 8, 2015
Recent forum posts
What is happening to me?
Trauma Support / by hayleynichole
Last post
 May 30th, 2015
...See more I just noticed myself being easily overwhelmed, for example, I would get too happy if something nice happened to me whether big or small thing, or either too sad that I wouldn't even fall asleep when something bad happens. There are times that I get triggered by the things that are somehow connected to him (abuser, my ex bf), even small things such as seeing military films on tv, I get even more scared because I start to be afraid of men with the same race/religion as him, I always try to avoid them. I'm also starting to hate people with the same race/religion as him. My ex is an atheist. My stepdad is also an atheist. Sometimes, when my dad says something to my mom like, "It's going to be my way", since my parents always argue due to religion differences. I got triggered and just ended up crying in front of them because then I remembered the times when I was abused by my ex bf. I told my mom that she needs to find a way to leave my stepdad because he wants her to stop having her religion. He even asked her to choose between her religion or us, her family, which is not appropriate. I told my mom that I know how it feels to be manipulated like that, so if he continues, she needs to leave. She deserves better. That night, I have been crying and been triggered by everything. I have introduced my ex to my family, so it means he visited our home a few times. So I have imagined him sitting somewhere in our house, where we used to sit together, but he was angry and threatening my life... Something like that. I saw him everywhere. All I've heard is his voice, and I was scared to death. I was shaking while crying and so terrified. I don't know what happened. It happens often to me and I think it's something serious. I always get triggered like this and would end up crying a lot, even in the public. If someone out there can help me, please feel free to give me an advice or just anything, before I consult a doctor. I am honestly afraid of going to my doctor because of what might he say about my experiences. I am so scared to think if I'm sick.
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