The Path With Two Roads

Ohhh... My... Goodness!

Like, how can one road be the epitome of everything amazingly beautiful and, right across the street, the place where people want to purposely pull you into (using whatever they feel like using, not caring one bit about you/what you really want?!).

I love my parents. I can't see myself staying angry at anyone forever (but, then again, I believe I know a part of me that will not tolerate some things). But, today my sister texted me because I supposedly crossed her mind. Calling me darling. To me, it was all a lie, just to tell my mom we're okay over here, giving her relief.

First, that's not relief. It's a bandaid over a huge wound. Second, it's using me and my pleading , actual pleading, for her to respect my decisions/beliefs/life, as a stepping stool to continue trying to peek through closed curtains (and invite others to join in when I refuse her access). Not accept or join, just respect it/them... ME! Third, I don't... Want... To... Be... Like... You! I don't want to be a "Blank" Kid. I have nothing against who you are, it's just not who I am. I carried your name, but I didn't choose to. It's not who I am or want to be.

I'm tired of being horrible/evil because I don't want to live in the tiny piece of life they delight themselves in.

I want more. Not a more that I want to rip from someone, but a more that is being showered on me without a word. I want peace, confidence, security, safety, protection... Love. I don't know if it'll go beyond just what I feel/see/remember, and I can sound "insecure" or like I'm lacking faith, it's the truth, but what if a WHAT IF can FINALLY be a positively beautiful one for ME?!

Just sucks to have to add her to the blocked list, too. But... It'll be okay. Really, it will. Not because I'm choosing everything right, but because I truly believe I'm heading in the direction I'm supposed to be heading. I can feel the hand leading me, even if I'm the only one who thinks so.

I rather be known for purely dreaming; being naive or childish. I'm not alone, whether they think I am or not.

Super rant, lol

Still, I'm full of joy and I never... Ever ... EVER want it to end.

Letting go....

Goodnight/Morning/Afternoon.