Some crap I wrote that I tend to write that I wanted to share and something else at the bottom

Change is something I crave so much, sometimes I completely lose track of everything, and wake up to this feeling of complete emptiness, devoid of everything but some of my most basic instincts and thoughts, and other times I wake up and everything just seems meaningless, nothing matters, everything loses it's importance, and I'm presented with this odd joy that simply makes me makes me feel great, that makes even those things that afflict me so much lose their importance, you feel certain drunkenness, and when it wears off it loses it's importance too, and it's hilarious, it's fucking ridiculous, it feels like a joke, it's maddening, it's frustrating, it's fucking deteriorating, it drives you fucking insane, it drive you to walk at the edge of that abyss you're so afraid to fall into, and one day you will let yourself go, because it looks easy, because it looks fun, because there's shits and giggles and there's glitter and rainbows and there's puppies and buckets of ice cream, but it's not rewarding, so it doesn't matter, it won't change anything, and we go back to the beginning, and so on and on until it won't matter anymore, and so on and so on.

Also sorry Ocean, it wasn't my intention to make you feel bad, I misunderstood the whole thing and ended up like a total idiot, I couldn't even continue yesterday, I felt terrible, I still do, hope you're feeling better and get everything sorted out the best way possible.