Rock and a hard place. Could use some advice.
My grandmother was my mother figure as well as my primary source of trauma and a lot of the maladaptive coping mechanisms, triggers, and ill thought processes that I have. She's been in ailing health recently and we're not sure how much longer she's going to be alive..
But I don't know if I could bring myself to attend her funeral.
She had a stroke recently that brought her from the tough, bitter woman I grew up with to a meek, quiet little woman and trying to talk to her on the phone I couldn't manage for more than five minutes before needing to hang up and burst into tears.
Some people say I don't need to forgive her. Others say there's no point in holding onto the anger and grudge.
She took care of me, so I feel ingrateful for even daring to think about this, but she was also the source of a ton of pain and trauma. I simultaneously worry about regretting going as well as regretting not going..
Any thoughts?
@astuteScorpius
I think its important for you weigh up the pro's and con's of going or going for you.
Because it sounds like you have alit of mixed feelings about her and thats understandable, how we feel about someone often isnt black and white....you can still love the person but hate what they did and that can be hella confusing.
When it comes to the decision of whether or not you should go to her funeral when that time comes, I think maybe answering some of these questions might help....
-What would be the benefits of going? Whould it help bring you closure? Would you regret if you dont go?
- what would be the benefits of not going? Would I be too hard to go? Bring back too many painful memories?
Sometimes it can help to write these things down to try and figure out whats best for you ❤