Road Block

This whole time I've been trying to get myself over things, and it had finally worked. I felt mostly normal, and I believed I could take the next step. Then this weekend happened. My boyfriend wants to get more intimate, and he got stuff for that, and I was scared. I tried to reassure myself that I've been terrified before, but that it always worked out. We got back to the house, and things were happening, but when he went in for a kiss at the one point my brain assumed something else was about to go down, and I went into a panic, and I was trying to defend myself. This worries me about the future. If I can't stop that...what will happen?