Rapist, this is for you

*heya, 13 yo survivor here, I'm going to be speaking about my rape, so please know there is a trigger warning. much love*

I wish in a way, that you had stayed

Maybe just a bit longer, until I woke up from the drugs

Because if you had stayed you'd be in jail ever since that day

But you didn't, you just ran away

I remember waking up for the first time after you slammed my back against the tree

After the deed was complete, and you were no longer next to me

I felt the pain running through my legs and in my core

I couldn't move, you made my body sore.

Before I passed out once again

I broke through the ziptie with a spare pen

When I woke up next, my phone was ringing

It was my best friend, they reported me missing.

I hung up and called 911

And I dragged myself up the hill, too weak, leaving my button up undone

I had lost the most of my will to live by the time the rape kit was done

They drove me home, where I stayed alone

For a month of darkness and sleeping too much

Then, two hundred forty three days later, a letter on my door

The photographs they took, all the bruises and the sores

I panicked, threw them on the floor

My fist left a bloodstain on the door

To my rapist, what was this for?

Because although my body has healed, my heart is still sore

(comment thoughts..)