People can be so cruel!
This community is the only place where I feel like I am safe. At least here people don't want to destroy me.. Im so confused and hurt by the words of my mother and others who seem to think they know me and think its ok to take their pain and hurt out on me. I don't get how a mother could tell her own child that she should end her life! There is no logic to it! I know she is a cruel and toxic person which is why I have continued to attempt to block contact but she manages to find ways to hurt me still.. I know its only words but she is yet again preying on me when im vulnerable . I am trying to not give in to her words but I almost slipped last night. I feel like in the end she will get her way. She is a master manipulator always managing to have people on her side and I don't know how. I try to be kind and caring and the complete opposite to her but what is it getting me? I refuse to turn into her because she is a hateful person. She keeps feeding my negative thoughts. She keeps trying to push me to breaking point and I just don't know how to resist it. Can I just please have some peace. Can I just have a little sense of safety? Slowly and steadily trying to ground myself but its a very hard task.. This fight is exhausting!
@PerfectStorm426 oh and I am getting pretty good at playing lux aerterna now.. Listened to it on repeat until 4 am and then when I woke :)
One mystery solved tonight.. Actually confronted someone who has been saying cruel things to me and found out it was basically from jealousy.. Go figure.. She seemed to think that I get favored at work and get more shifts and she doesn't think its fair cause she is older.. However I gently reminded her that I have been working for 3 years and had to build up to working this many shifts. I also stated that though i seem all pulled together at work im not always like this.. Reminded her not to judge a book by its cover. Wow kind of proud of myself for having the courage to do that tonight
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this issue, in your relationship with your Mother. Are there any other healthy, supportive relationships which you can focus on, and devote your time towards, and perhaps establish boundaries with your Mother, and openly communicate your thoughts and emotions with her, so she understands where you are coming from, in situations? I hope that you can cultivate the positive relationships in your life, and that your relationship with your Mother will improve (I think it may take some time and work). All the best.
@Strength1
I can not have a relationship with my mother at all. The relationship I had with her was abusive and cruel. I cut contact over a year ago and she is still being persistent trying to get me to end my life because I think she knows her secrets are coming out now.. I don't have other positive relationships because I can't trust people.. Its impossible to trust when it has been broken too many times.. I don't think ill ever have a relationship with my mother that is healthy..
@calmLake1999. ... and from what i know, you should not give her the benefit. Yup- me again ;)
@PerfectStorm426
Hello again storm :) how did you sleep?
@calmLake1999. Hi calm. I didnt sleep well. But nuff about me... hope you had a great great day! Im charging my glow in the dark fret markers, ready to blow out some windows tonight :D
@PerfectStorm426
And I will not give her the benefit... Too much hurt and she is way too unstable to even try.. What's the point in having boundaries when she would just crush them. She does not care how she hurts others so I shouldn't be around her.. Its hard but ive got to protect myself 😀
