Past coming back

Warning this is a long post (delays if not allowed)

so this up coming week is my 1 year anniversary of getting out of my very abusvive relationship with my ex. But now everything that happened is coming back to me.

Ill start it off by just going though what happened Ill refer to my ex as B. B was super controlling with me when we first started as within a few weeks she wanted to be able to go though my phone which I really didnt mind but she went and found texts from my rape experience (which it still bothers me a lot) she kept asking me about it and told her all about what happened so she decided that to fix me she wanted to make sexual stuff feel okay to me by making me do them she would just be really forceful with kissing and stuff

she got to a point where I didnt feel comfortable and she just said that if you loved me you would do what I want and she started to play I didnt love her and that I was cheating on her ( I have no idea where she got that from) but she really go to me so I decided to do what she wanted and started stripping done for her letting her touch and fondle me, she want me to stick my hand places in her and feel her up and she would do this to me and if I didnt do it right she would punish me.

She kept going with all this and I just I felt so wrong and unhappy doing this but I was so scared to reach out to someone and talk about it because of what they would think ( plus I was still closeted at the time) I keep going with her even though she hurt me.

She kept wanting more and more and I just I really didnt like it and I tried to fight her but she kept going until I broke at last she drove me to the point where I would scream when she did stuff and I finally go someones attention and she stopped and I left her

this all happened a year ago and now Im starting to get flashbacks and I cant really now Im been going from 8 to 5 to now 3 hours of sleep and I try everything but I just I get so scared of the dreams I just cant and I just want a way to get out of this...

im sorry for such a long post (delete if this is not allowed) but I just needed to get this off my chest hoping it well help cause Ive just been so scared to talk about it in depth