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CindyIsNotOkay
22,474 M Aiming High 1
PathStep 36 Compassion hearts105 Forum posts54 Forum upvotes61 Current upvotes61 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2024 Member sinceFebruary 18, 2018
Bio
18 tennis and bowling team member majoring in video production, dealing with depression trauma experience lesbian. Warning I do have trigger Issues and please don’t mention sucidial thoughts or actions around me..
Recent forum posts
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Scared to tell
Trauma Support / by CindyIsNotOkay
Last post
 September 7th, 2018
...See more hello everyone. So Ive started a new relationship with this girl whos really kind and caring this is sorta my first real relationship since I was hurt and she keeps asking about my past but I dont know how to tell her about it I dont wanna scare her away or I feel like shell hate me for it I just dont know what to do cause this is my first time Ive really told anyone.
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Past coming back
Trauma Support / by CindyIsNotOkay
Last post
 September 3rd, 2018
...See more Warning this is a long post (delays if not allowed) so this up coming week is my 1 year anniversary of getting out of my very abusvive relationship with my ex. But now everything that happened is coming back to me. Ill start it off by just going though what happened Ill refer to my ex as B. B was super controlling with me when we first started as within a few weeks she wanted to be able to go though my phone which I really didnt mind but she went and found texts from my rape experience (which it still bothers me a lot) she kept asking me about it and told her all about what happened so she decided that to fix me she wanted to make sexual stuff feel okay to me by making me do them she would just be really forceful with kissing and stuff she got to a point where I didnt feel comfortable and she just said that if you loved me you would do what I want and she started to play I didnt love her and that I was cheating on her ( I have no idea where she got that from) but she really go to me so I decided to do what she wanted and started stripping done for her letting her touch and fondle me, she want me to stick my hand places in her and feel her up and she would do this to me and if I didnt do it right she would punish me. She kept going with all this and I just I felt so wrong and unhappy doing this but I was so scared to reach out to someone and talk about it because of what they would think ( plus I was still closeted at the time) I keep going with her even though she hurt me. She kept wanting more and more and I just I really didnt like it and I tried to fight her but she kept going until I broke at last she drove me to the point where I would scream when she did stuff and I finally go someones attention and she stopped and I left her this all happened a year ago and now Im starting to get flashbacks and I cant really now Im been going from 8 to 5 to now 3 hours of sleep and I try everything but I just I get so scared of the dreams I just cant and I just want a way to get out of this... im sorry for such a long post (delete if this is not allowed) but I just needed to get this off my chest hoping it well help cause Ive just been so scared to talk about it in depth
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never the same
Trauma Support / by CindyIsNotOkay
Last post
 July 24th, 2018
...See more When I was 5 I face my first sexual assault from my brother, I never told anyone until my teacher asked me one day why I wasn't playing i told her, she helped to get me out of that and I was adopted into a much better family and when I was about 13 I got into a relationship that was really abusive and my bf raped me i felt like I was nothing to nobody I started self-harming and I stopped eating ii starting finding myself and came out as a lesbian after a small hook up with a friend that ended in another abusive one.... I just wanna try and be normal now...
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Am i too much
Relationship Stress / by CindyIsNotOkay
Last post
 July 22nd, 2018
...See more Hi, Me and my Gf (we're both females) have been together for a year and a half now, everything was great until recently anytime we do anything sexual we get a little be crazy and we both are consenting and stuff its just afterwards I regret it I just get really down and feel like im' too much I know my GF loves it and I do too but I regret it...Can anyone help me to understand why?
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