My Story

Hi. I'm new here, and I'm a bit nervous. I have a history of childhood sexual abuse. About a year ago I discovered that my husband had been using pornography behind by back for several years. I went into shock because that was not the man I knew him to be. I felt very betrayed and that he had lied to me for years. I couldn't believe that I had no idea. There were no signs of what he was doing that I could see. All of this triggered my childhood abuse issues, and at times I feel so angry with him for bringing this into my life. I have Betrayal Trauma which is basically PTSD. He hurt me so deeply, and I feel that he has a moral duty to help me heal. Apparently, he doesn't feel the same. I feel so isolated and alone. I can't handle all of the pain in my life. He says he loves me and that he's sorry for what he did. I would never know it from his actions though. He starts arguments with me a lot when my stress level is already so high. It's seems like the rest of the time he ignores me. I want him to understand how deeply he hurt me, but I don't think he will ever truly get it. I want a safe and secure marriage. I want to feel safe. I don't want to be constantly triggered. I need to heal from what he did and the abuse.