Maybe I'll start sharing
Part of me wants to share something and part of me really doesn't. It's been over 2 years since my traumatic event, but I've still never told anyone everything. I've written parts down in my journal, and I've shared some with a couple friends, 1 caring teacher, and once with a small group of people when I was in a weird mood and started explaining why I carry a swiss army knife with me and ended up saying a lot more than I meant to.
So, maybe it'll be easier if I share just a little every now and then...
Trigger warning: car accident descriptions!
I was in a bad car accident 2 years ago, on July 3rd, 2014. It was a rollover accident. We rolled over 2 and 1/4 times. Writing this makes me so nauseous!! When I'm in a car now, and we go around a curve fast, I freak out. Sometimes I hyperventillate, sometimes I have a flashback, sometimes I feel like I'm going to black out, somtimes I feel like all the blood has been sucked out of my legs and they don't exist. I've had to be in a car on a highway a lot recently, so this has been happening a lot.
Okay, I think that's all I can handle. Bye!
@lovingBanana5204 Thank you for sharing this much. It must have been a terrible experience for you and I am sorry that you are still struggling with how this accident has left you feeling. Have you taken a look in the forum on how to manage flashbacks? This may be useful for you to take a look at and may give you some ideas on how to cope more effectively with the flashbacks when they happen. Flashbacks can feel horrific and as if you are re-living the experience all over again. As hard as it may be to accept and believe at this point, but you have survived the worst, and as terrible as the flashbacks are, you can get through these too. You are very courageous for sharing that you have and I hope that you can feel able to reach out for support should you wish to speak to someone. I am glad you have had someone you have been able to share with.
@dancingRainbow45
Thank you for your kind words. :)
I will look more in the forum!
Thanks for the encouragement. I try to remind myself that the worst is over, but it's hard to believe sometimes. I really am so much better than I was right after the accident, though.
@lovingBanana5204 Your are most welcome. It can be difficult when you are in the middle of things for hold onto the fact that you are strong to have got to the point that you have, and that you have indeed survived the worst. When flashbacks occur, it can literally feel like you are reliving all the terrible things that you went through, the feelings can feel just as bad, the thoughts and memories can feel very overwhelming but you got through things first time around, and you can survive all the reminders too. Its good that you are reaching out here and allowing others to know just how rough things are feeling for you and I hope that you can feel less alone with things, but someone appreciating how difficult this is for you.
@dancingRainbow45
Update: my therapist says she thinks I have ptsd. I've kinda suspected this for a while, but I didn't think it was bad enough to actually be ptsd, and it was kinda shocking to hear her say it...
It makes me feel broken and more scarred than I already do, which triggers me, so this whole day I've been kinda avoiding thinking about it...and I have a final tomorrow and haven't studied so this isn't good...
It's just that thinking "I have ptsd" and thinking I'm going to have this for a while and it won't go away makes me feel even more helpless and this really isn't goooooodddddd
