I don't know what to do (sexual abuse)
I was in denial for a long time but I realized that my exboyfriend sexually abused me. We didn't date long, only 4 or 5 months, but the abuse happened the entire time. I don't even think I have 'trauma' but I don't know where else to put this so... here I am.
We never had sex, which is why he broke up with me, but... we did a lot of other stuff. Sometimes I can still feel him. I feel his touch all over my body and my skin is crawling and I feel sick to my stomach. When a guy touches me skin to skin, even if he just brushes against me accidentally, I jerk away and begin experiencing some anxiety. This has been going on for almost a year now. I can't stop seeing his face and feeling his hands everywhere.
Idk what to do
@starcatcher7
hey there! i am so sorry to hear what you had to experience. i can t even imagine how difficult it must be for you.
no matter how long you were abused, it is still a painful experience to make and you clearly didnt deserve it at all.
i understand it must be really difficult to still feel him, to still think about him and to cope with this. but i want you to know you arent alone in this and you have my, and the trauma community s full support through this difficulty <3
you mentioned that when a guy touches you, that you feel anxious and flinch. this is a very common symptom of abuse survivors.
" flinching is a reaction wherein the person was reminded of somehting from the past, returning the memory, or reminded by it. The cause to remember could be related to that bad experience the person had gone into.", so i want to tell you, your feelings are 100% valid.
I thought these resources could may be helpful for you on your way to recover. But its totally up to you if you want to take a look at them.
This can help you if you feel panicked when a boy touches you or if you feel panicked in general:
These are some resources if you want to talk to a professional or get professional help :
And i found this one super helpful - its a self-work guide how to cope with an traumatic event:
no matter if you d consider it as trauma, you still didn t deserve it and had to experience something no one should ever have to experience, and you deserve help and support just like everyone else <3
i ve been where you are right now. and let me tell you as a survivor - it will get better with time.
sending you lots of love, strength and support!
