Hiding in Plain Sight

I'm tired of pretending, but it feels like the safest thing to do. I am not even sure how to be honest about how things really are, even with myself. I worry that people in my life won't understand or care.

It's tiring and lonely, but I feel I only have myself to blame. Connecting with others is hard for me. So I end up living in a numbed out 'everything is fine' state. Trying to fix other people's problems but somehow can't fix my own.

I know things could be worse and I am grateful they aren't. I just feel sad and not sure how to fix this. I fear I'm too broken.

😔