Here I go

I have been in a theater club since I was 16. I was the youngest one there and made a lot of friends. One of my best friends was a man I'll call Ray (not his name). From when I was around 17 to 19 we had a lot of scenes together so we would talk every day. He was about 10 years older then me. When I was 19 my mental health took a bit of a dive and I ended up spending about a week in an inpatient facility for my depression. When I got out, I was still very unstable because my medication was not regulated. I wasn't sleeping and was unable to cope. Ray was the first person I turned to when I got out for support. It was only a few weeks later that he asked me to be his submissive. I had never considered any sort of relationship with this man, but he was in a rough place and so was I so I agreed. The first time I went over to his house I was too scared to have sex with him. He ordered me to drink a few glasses of vodka cranberry "until I was ready". I never drank before, but I did it. I stayed the rest of the weekend. It felt so bad, but all I wanted was his approval. He asked me once off hand if another friend of ours became single if she could come too and I said maybe. Suddenly she did become single and she was coming along the next weekend. I was so upset he'd broken my trust and told her about the relationship. She hated me. I went that weekend too. He later left me for her. I felt so manipulated and used. Now it is all I think about. My partner calls it all rape. I don't know what to think.