Empty Promises (Tw: abuse)

My birthday is tomorrow, which for normal people would be a fun day. And I wish I could just be happy and enjoy this day but I get so overwhelmed by all the negative thoughts and memories. Ive been struggling for weeks because of this upcoming day. I'm so scared and I feel so alone.

I don't know how to survive this day, last year was hard. during the day its mostly okay but when its near evening/night i get so overwhelmed and upset and triggered. And i know im probably also adding to this by worrying so much about it. I wish I could just skip this day all together.

I feel misunderstood and alone :(

(If someone is reading this.. please no birthday wishes)

I survived my birthday, it was such a terrible and scary day. With a lot of dissociation and flashbacks but I survived.

just now I had an appointment with my social worker who ive been seeing once a week for over a year now, I’m usually not much of a talker about what bothers me or about my past but today after a year I finally opened up.

I told her about some parts of the organized abuse I went through and it was the most scary thing to say, she was super supportive and believed me. I’m glad I managed to tell her these things (without details yet tho) but it triggered something and im in full panic mode. Hopefully will go away soon..

@WendyBird14 Hey :) I hope you don't mind. I was cruising the site and found your thread. I hope you don't mind if I keep you company

@mytwistedsoul

Aw that's okay! I haven't used it in a while lol

@WendyBird14 I just realized the dates lol!

@WendyBird14 Hey you :) Hope you don't mind - I wanted to check in with you. How are you?

@mytwistedsoul

Hi.. thanks for checking in.. just woke up from a nap shivering with high heart rate :(

@WendyBird14 Oh no :( has it happened before? It's horrible waking up shaky with your heart racing. It can linger for hours or days sometimes. Is there anything that helps?

@mytwistedsoul

Yeah its awful, have had it before sadly :(