Domestic Violence Survivor

I recently decided to end a relationship with my abusive boyfriend. We were common law partners for less than a year but in that short amount of time I suffered on a regular basis. He was arrested 8 months ago and is serving almost 2 years for assaulting me on several occasions. Despite the physical, emotional, and mental abuse he directed towards me, I believed that he still loved me, and that I loved him. Now that we are no longer in contact (I revoked the communication consent order) I am struggling to deal with the trauma, stress, and financial burden he has left me with. I suffered from depression, anxiety, and BPD before we met, so I was already having a difficult time coping. I ended up taking time off from work and now I spend many nights awake thinking about everything. I constantly question my sanity and reality. I know I'm dissociating and need to address my suppressed memories but I don't feel strong enough yet. I was a very independent and determined person and now I struggle to be alone with my thoughts. I'm 34 years old and I have never had a healthy relationship. I sometimes think I am destined to be alone. That makes me feel both sad and angry. I want to heal and move on so that I never end up back in another abusive relationship. I feel like I have so much to learn. I keep thinking that things could have been different if we just tried a little harder. I haven't lost complete hope in recovery but I'm scared at how long it will take.