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MeeshyRB
774 M Little Steps
PathStep 12 Compassion hearts36 Forum posts86 Forum upvotes131 Current upvotes131 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2022 Member sinceDecember 16, 2019
Bio
I want to live a healthy and happy life. I am trying to improve my thinking and need a little more help. I enjoy quiet time with my rescue cat, Lucky. I love to read and love learning. I try to stay active but tend to hibernate in the winter. A good day for me starts with a great cup of coffee.
Recent forum posts
Dealing with PTSD symptoms
Trauma Support / by MeeshyRB
Last post
 January 8th, 2022
...See more Last year I finally took the steps to leave my abusive boyfriend. We had lived together for 3 years and during that time I was assaulted and taken advantage of. Currently, he is serving time in jail for one of the many assaults against me. I have a restraining order against him and I moved into a new apartment so that he wouldn't know where I lived. I know that he will be released soon and that makes me nervous. Lately, I haven't been able to sleep much, maybe 2-3 hours a night. When I sleep I have nightmares of him. I continually switch from feeling angry to sad. I've tried coping techniques to deal with the anxiety but I still feel like I'm on guard.
My boyfriend left...
Relationship Stress / by MeeshyRB
Last post
 May 2nd, 2021
...See more I was in a very codependent and abusive relationship for 3 years and he finally left Friday. I should be relieved but I'm just sad. I put a lot of energy into this relationship and put up with a lot of shit so you'd think I'd be happy. But I am not.
My Meditation
Mindfulness Center / by MeeshyRB
Last post
 May 5th, 2021
...See more I recently started colouring again and it has become a form of meditation for me. I'm a perfectionist so when I first started it was more stressful than anything and I had to learn not to criticize everything! Now, whenever I feel stressed I colour it away.
Feeling trapped in my own mind
Depression Support / by MeeshyRB
Last post
 March 20th, 2020
...See more I've been struggling with depression for most of my life. I'm 34 years old now and do not feel my age at all. I still feel like my emotional state has been the same since I was a teenager. I started noticing a pattern in the past few years with my relationships, work, and even the seasons. They say when you know better you do better. So now that I know more about depression and how it affects me I'm hoping to overcome it rather than just deal with it. I want to enjoy my life rather than count down the days. Everything lately feels like a chore, like getting out of bed or eating. I am on medical leave from work now and I'm not sure if I'll be ok to return next month. That thought scares me. I hope I can find more answers and help to improve my thinking. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Domestic Violence Survivor
Trauma Support / by MeeshyRB
Last post
 January 29th, 2020
...See more I recently decided to end a relationship with my abusive boyfriend. We were common law partners for less than a year but in that short amount of time I suffered on a regular basis. He was arrested 8 months ago and is serving almost 2 years for assaulting me on several occasions. Despite the physical, emotional, and mental abuse he directed towards me, I believed that he still loved me, and that I loved him. Now that we are no longer in contact (I revoked the communication consent order) I am struggling to deal with the trauma, stress, and financial burden he has left me with. I suffered from depression, anxiety, and BPD before we met, so I was already having a difficult time coping. I ended up taking time off from work and now I spend many nights awake thinking about everything. I constantly question my sanity and reality. I know I'm dissociating and need to address my suppressed memories but I don't feel strong enough yet. I was a very independent and determined person and now I struggle to be alone with my thoughts. I'm 34 years old and I have never had a healthy relationship. I sometimes think I am destined to be alone. That makes me feel both sad and angry. I want to heal and move on so that I never end up back in another abusive relationship. I feel like I have so much to learn. I keep thinking that things could have been different if we just tried a little harder. I haven't lost complete hope in recovery but I'm scared at how long it will take.
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