Dealing With Past Memories
Trauma is an extremely hard topic to think about and talk about.
It can be hard to define what trauma is since everyone's experience is different and everyone's experience is valid.
When I was younger, my mother did not necessarily have the best disciplining methods. I have never agreed with physical methods as a form of discipline. I know that there is a very fine line between what is deemed okay and what is not, but personally, I do not think it is ever okay to hit a child in order to teach a lesson. To me, all that shows is that when someone does something bad, it is okay to use violence to punish them. And that is not right at all.
It's so hard for me to talk about this because my parents have done a lot for me. They may not be there for me emotionally like I really need them to, but they have have been there for me physically. They may deny me therapy and not give me the emotional support that I need, but they have bought always me what I needed, taken me where I have wanted to go, fed me, given me a home to live in and raised me. But for some reason, I cannot seem to let go of the fact that my mom used to hit me when we were younger and would do something wrong. It was to the point where it would leave a red stinging mark on my cheek when I would something as simple as spill a glass of a milk by accident like any other five years old.
I still have vivid memories of these repetitive incidents which occurred plenty of times. I just cannot seem to let go of this. And every time something happens between my mother and me, I go back to these memories and it just unfolds a chain of negative and intrusive thoughts. I just cannot stop thinking about all the incidents when we were a child where she would hit us. The worst part is that to this day, she will joke about how she used to do that as if it's funny. I don't know if that is her way of coping with what she did, but I do not find any humor in the situation and in fact, it has and continues to cause me a great deal of emotional pain.
I don't know what this would be considered...trauma? abuse? It's hard for me to see because it almost feels like it needs to be bigger and worse for it to be valid. I know that is not the case though. I just tend to struggle with this because I know that a lot of people have it so much worse.
@rain45
@Snr101
"I know that there is a very fine line between what is deemed okay and what is not, but personally, I do not think it is ever okay to hit a child in order to teach a lesson. "
-Couldn't agree more. A parent that hits a child right away lost control and parenting. Since spanking, hitting, etc, only hurts physically. Children need to be explained why what they did was wrong, and get consequences for it (the naughty spot for example, or not eat their favourite food, etc). When someone hits a kid for the sake of it, the child only cries due to pain, but they only feel anger towards the parents and don't even know what they did wrong.
"It's so hard for me to talk about this because my parents have done a lot for me. They may not be there for me emotionally like I really need them to, but they have have been there for me physically. They may deny me therapy and not give me the emotional support that I need, but they have bought always me what I needed, taken me where I have wanted to go, fed me, given me a home to live in and raised me. "
-Your parents gave you literally the basic needs. Aka, if they didn't you would be taken away. Of course is still parenting, is still good they did so. But doesn't make it less bad for the mental abuse. Hitting a child can really leave scars emotionally and mentally. Is the same thing as me going now to the street and slapping someone because they're cursing. The person would feel insulted and even cry because how I treated them. Children are human beings, just smaller. And it means they need good parenting, not hitting. Is something that shouldn't exist between parents anymore. This to say your feelings are completly valid.
"I still have vivid memories of these repetitive incidents which occurred plenty of times. I just cannot seem to let go of this. And every time something happens between my mother and me, I go back to these memories and it just unfolds a chain of negative and intrusive thoughts. I just cannot stop thinking about all the incidents when we were a child where she would hit us. The worst part is that to this day, she will joke about how she used to do that as if it's funny. I don't know if that is her way of coping with what she did, but I do not find any humor in the situation and in fact, it has and continues to cause me a great deal of emotional pain."
-So afters of physical strenght applied against a child that can not defend themselves, she laughs? Is not ok. Like... at all. Is quite disturbing actually.
I understand why you can't let go, because deep down you know it isn't normal. To be completly honest you should come with terms to it, aka tell your mother right on "what you did was wrong" and explain why. Wheater she accepts it or not (probably won't, if she laughs) is up to her. But is so you can have some inner peace. And if you ever have children (if you choose to) you know what not to do.
"I don't know what this would be considered...trauma? abuse? It's hard for me to see because it almost feels like it needs to be bigger and worse for it to be valid. I know that is not the case though. I just tend to struggle with this because I know that a lot of people have it so much worse."
-I can't say if its trauma or not, I'm not a professional. But it did leave some scars as it seems.
Also the argument "alot of people have it so much worst" isn't good. Many cancer patients say "but there are people who have it worst", and does it make their cancer less awful? No. I know is a drastic metaphor, but this to say please do not put your feelings so low. They are valid and you have them for a reason.
Children have this thing that they always assume is their fault. Also although they're kids, they're quite aware what is right and wrong in their gut feeling. So you knew what was going on but you couldn't stand up for yourself. Now you can. Now you're your own person, you can tell your mother to stop laughing at the thought of hurting a child, because is NOT acceptable. If she doesn't get it, then just move on (the best that you can).
I wish you the best of luck and I'm sending you tons of big hugs 
It says that you replied to my post but I don't see any replies? @booklover95
@Snr101
I did reply... I don't know if someone deleted my comment...
Yesterday what I was writting was considered spamming and now this... I don't know if someone is flagging what I write on porpose or what... Quite upset about it :(
I gave quite a detailed answer and now is gone ;-;
So sorry!
@Snr101
In summary what I said was: I can't say if it was trauma or not, I'm not a professional. But I do agree 100% with what you said. The moment a parent lays their hands on their child, they lost control and lost the abbility to parent.
Children are supposed to be taught what they did was wrong and why. If you hit a child and say "that's wrong", you failed. You didn't explain , the child cries because feels was unfair, to not mention you physically hurt them.
We're not better or worst than children. In fact kids are human beings, just smaller. They can't defend themselves, so no way they should be physically attacked by someone older and stronger, specially if it's someone they never expect to hurt them.
Also I'm sorry your mother laughs at you. Is genuinly childish and disturbing.
Try to tell her it is not ok for her to do so. And if she can't accept it, move on.
I wish you the best of luck and I'm sending lots of love
