Confused & Molested (*Trigger Warning*)
Hi, I am 37 years old and I have never had sex with anyone before and I think that it may have something to do with the sexual molestation that I suffered through as a child. It happened more than once, I think but I am not sure because I have blocked huge portions of my childhood out because of other traumatic traumas. This happened when I was only 7 or 8 years old. This friend of my mother's stayed at our house with his wife. Ruth & Jack were there names. One night I was sleeping on the couch and I was startled awake from someone touching my thigh. Then he said quietly, "Sh, be quiet." I was too scared to move or say anything but I kept thinking that my sister would come in at any moment and save me but that never happened. Then his hand was inside of my panties, then two of his fingers were inside of me. I think that he was touching his self as he was touching me. Afterwards he gave me two dollars making me feel cheap and dirty but not understanding why at the time. I never confided in my mother because for some reason I didn't think that she would believe me. My older sister Sam told me that they caught him touching me on the outside of my clothes and kicked him out but I don't remember that at all. I remember taking my other sister Becky into the bathroom and telling her everything and I remember crying as I told her. I was so afraid that no one would believe me. All these years later it still effects me as I cannot have a relationship with anyone because I just freeze up whenever anyone touches me in anyway even if it is not sexual. Also my family acts like it never happened, it isn't mentioned and we have never talked about it. Any advice as to how to get over it and have a real relationship with another person? Any ideas?
I know we are not supposed to give advice here, and I'm not a Listener, but I did read your post, and I heard you. Similar things happened to me and healing did come eventually. I will believe the same for you. I did find that making friends on a nonsexual level helped me to feel more secure in general.
Hi Linsay31,
First off, I would like to let you know that it was very brave of you to share with us such an event and that I am sorry you had to go through such an experience. It is something that can affect one's life and it is important to let people know that you are experiencing this kind of abuse. These things can have a long lasting effect on someone's life and it might take time or even counselling to get over the feeling you are presently experiencing. Also, from what I read the fact that your family doesn't aknowledge what has happened to you might inadvertadly reinforce the taboo of your exprience and make you feel like this needs to be hidden or that you should keep it to yourself. I just want to let you know that the unfortunate encounter that happened with this man could have happened to anyone and that it isn't your fault in any way. I am not trying to deminish what happened to you, it is something that can be very damaging for a young girl at that age, but simply letting you know that this happens and there are ressources out there who can help you deal with the repercutions of the molestation. I was wondering if you had ever told your familly how avoiding the subject affected you and how the event is still affecting you today in your relationship. I can also imagine that it can be hard to tell that special someone or a trusted person about what you have experienced but it can sometimes help if you are not alone in the healing process. I also would suggest you to get in contact with a psychologist or a counsellor, not because you are broken or weak but because sometimes we need help to heal from such experiences. If you want to find one but aren't sure where to look, you can start by looking at the following website: http://therapists.psychologytoday.com
I also believe that the website RAINN (https://rainn.org/)could help you out with what has happened to you in the pass. It can provide help for survivor of sexual abuse and you can even contact their hotline. You can also learn more about the aftermate of your experience and what ressources you can receive.
Finally, I just wanted to let you know that these are options available to you for your situation and that it is your choice to seek them out. I hope this will help you in your healing process and can also help you with creating a relationship with that someone special.
Do not dispair you can be helped.
Fitrandi
@Fitrandi
Hi, thank you for the support. This has been a long struggle for me mostly because it happened twice by two different men. One was a friend of the family and it happened not twenty feet from where my mother was sleeping. The second time was by my older brother; which I'm forced into close proximity with as we both live with our mother. No one in my family believes me about the second time either. I also tend to agree with you about my family acting like these horrible events didn't happen to me being part of the cause of my anxiety. How can I let go of these past events?
I'm so sorry for what happened to you, it is not in any way ok. Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and hope you find some peace soon, it sounds like this has been a long battle for you.
@JayBumble
Hi, thank you. It has been a long battle for me. I still have trouble socializing with people. I also still don't trust people either. In my original post I failed to mention that I was molested twice, once by a family friend and once by my older brother. My family refuses to accept either event as facts. They think I remembered it wrong or just made it up. I want to get over it but pretending that it never happened just doesn't work for me.
