Be Honest Now (Journal)

(This is mostly a vent entry)

I remember going hungry for months. I still feel like I never got out, no matter how much we eat. The pain is still there, whispering "Do you remember?" Yes I remember, you'll never let me forget, will you?

I still feel it now. I want to feel full and safe. It sucks that nightmares follow us. I'm sick and tired of this.

What's the reason I'm still suffering? Trauma trapped in the body? The need to have my pain witnessed? Well, I survived, multiple times. I'm alive. If I write about it and post it, will you give me a break?

If anyone has experience how to heal from these things, feel free to chime in.

I'm feeling weary. Rest isn't making it better. Is there a balm you can apply to your soul? have they invented that yet? If I had my way, we would have dreamless sleep for a week straight.

I hate being awake so long at night. I hate staying home alone, and I hate going out. Real piece of work we are, huh? If I really had my way, we'd all have our own bodies, or we'd have one whole and unbroken mind. Do singlets feel this level of loneliness?

I'm so tired. Do any of you get a break from being tired? I certainly don't, not that I remember. Why is it like that? Why do you get to remember the good stuff and I just get the rubbish? And can you tell me, what's it like to feel okay?

B. get back to me when you can - E.