Guess I’ll say hi now
So hi 👋 (and thanks for being here) -
[ I am part of an OSDD system so there are several parts of me, but this intro will be about the me that posts here - seems logical enough :) ]
Basics: 44yrs; reside in Midwest USA; have three cats 🐱.
I experienced repeated physical and sexual abuse as a kid by a family member. <—— It took me years to be able to say that sentence.
I’m still struggling with all this crap. Some days are better than others. Some are even good. Most suck. I need to just get over this sh-t. Been holding me back from life for too long. But knowing this doesn’t make it so.
I’ve been hospitalized more times than I can count. Mostly in my teens and 20s. Most recently was a few months ago.
I am in therapy and take a few different medications. I hate meds. I want off them all. They are poison. But I take them. Because they help. <—— took me years to admit that. Took me longer to actually remain compliant with them.
I self-harm. I dissociate. I struggle with trust. I’m scared of intimacy.
I have nightmares regularly. At some point in my life, I learned to be able to recognize while in the dream that I am scared or unsafe and to tell myself to “wake up” in a strong voice - and as a result, I actually wake up. This became super handy when combined with skills to ground myself and calm down etc. I wish I could explain/teach how this works, but I don’t even understand it.
I am a survivor <—— I have to continually say this to myself. So are all of you.
@lemonSys
Hey there, welcome! Thank you for sharing your experience, I understand that it's been quite a lot and a difficult journey to be here where you currently are. However, I see so much strength in you and I'm glad that you're able to say all this today. I hope you find community and also be a source of comfort to other trauma victims looking for the same kind of strength you possess today.
@lemonSys
Welcome to 7 cups:)
No need to thank me for being here. I'm here to make a difference in someone's life even if it's just one. I'd like to welcome your system here! I love that you have three cats I wish I did lol sometimes. I'm sorry to hear that you've experienced those. I know that topic can be very tough to talk about. So, I acknowledge your bravery and courage in posting this on the forums. It's understandable that you're still struggling since it happened when you were young and these kinds of things can't just go away and sometimes, you're reminded of them for the rest of your life. I'm sorry to hear about your hospitalizations I know that can make things difficult. I'm glad that you acknowledge that those meds help and that you are taking them because they are. I understand self-harm and I know how difficult it can be to stop it. Please stay safe and take care of yourself. I'm glad you're in therapy that can make a lot of difference. It's understandable that you still have nightmares to this day because of your traumatic past. Yes, indeed we are all survivors and you're acknowledged as one by this community.
