Was I sexually assaulted???
I’m sorry if this is long or doesn’t make sense. Over the last week, I’ve been having some complex feelings over an incident that happened a few months ago. While I was sleeping, i woke up to a close friends hands in my pants I didn’t say anything. I just acted like I was moving around and hit my head, and then he stopped jerked away. I acted like I was still asleep. (I never said stop, but I never said it was OK does that matter??? I was asleep it’s confusing) I had never told anyone else about this because I convinced myself that it wasn’t that. I’m a guy also gay if that matters. Recently, I hung out with a guy and I think it made me realize what he had done. I thought for the longest time, especially after that, I just wasn’t a touchy person, wasn’t really into physical contact and stuff, it made me uncomfortable, but when I was with the guy it sorta clicked that I did like physical contact and I sorta spiraled. I think since he was a close friend (I’ve known him since I was 12) it couldn’t possibly be that (the guy is also suicidal, so maybe I just convinced myself that if I said anything he’d kill himself). I just feel like I’m being dramatic because it was months ago I’ve never planned to bring it up, and I really just wanted to pretend it didn’t happen, but I am having mental and physical problems that are effecting me over it. I feel like a coward because I didn’t do anything, and I feel like maybe I’m overreacting??
@aquaSailboat8365
First of all, I want you to take a deep breath and hear me when I say this: You are not overreacting. What happened to you was not okay, and the fact that it's still affecting you months later isn’t because you're being dramatic it's because something deeply violating happened, and your mind and body are trying to process it. That’s not weakness. That’s being human.
You did nothing wrong. You were asleep, caught off guard, and in a vulnerable position. The fact that you didn’t say “stop” doesn’t change anything you were asleep. Consent isn’t just about the absence of "no." It requires a clear, enthusiastic “yes,” and you weren’t even awake to give that. Your body reacting in any way—freezing, pretending to stay asleep, or trying to subtly get away is a completely natural response to shock and fear. You were protecting yourself in the way that felt safest at the time. That doesn’t make you a coward. That makes you someone who survived a violation the best way they could.
And I get it you cared about this person. You’ve known him for years. You worried about his well-being, maybe even more than your own. But let me say this plainly: His struggles do not justify what he did. You are not responsible for his choices or his mental health. That burden is not yours to carry.
What matters now is you. The fact that this has been sitting inside you, weighing on you, affecting how you feel about touch, about intimacy, about yourself it matters. Your feelings are real, and they deserve space. You deserve space.
I know you didn’t plan on bringing it up, but I want you to know that if you ever decide to talk to someone whether it’s a therapist, a trusted friend, or even just a journal it’s okay. You don’t have to carry this alone. And you don’t have to have all the answers right now. Healing isn’t about “getting over it.” It’s about acknowledging that what happened wasn’t okay and giving yourself grace as you figure out how to move forward.
You are not weak. You are not broken. And you are not alone.
Thank you. Truly i needed to hear that.
@aquaSailboat8365
Feel free to connect if you feel alone okay
I'll be here with u 😊
