Traumas and relationships
I’m going to make this short. I’m in my mid 30s and I’ve been told that my traumas from childhood is the reason for the way I am now. I don’t know if that’s true. Yes my parents were not perfect but I know they loved me. I think my failed relationships come from my insecurities and lack of trust. I been hurt my many people. I wouldn’t even know how to be in a relationship. When I’m in one that I think I want I sabotage it. I’m becoming okay with solitude and maybe I’ll end up having a really lonely life. Weddings and fairytales like having someone that’s a sincere partner that’s my biggest cheerleader and loves and supports me doesn’t exist for me. That’s okay because I never had support from my family growing up anyway. I survived alone. I’m still surviving. I’m a survivor. One day I’ll exhale. I want to heal and be complete. I want to feel beautiful again. I’m hopeful that one day things will change for the better and remain in happiness. I’m tired of the fear. I want to be able to go out to the store or a restaurant or travel. Instead I just stay with my routine. Work and home. At least I have my children and my new puppy. Thanks for your time while I rambled away.
@PassionateSea
Relationships are hard and i get the idea of sabotage when we are scared or not feeling some fairy tale feeling. Relationships have give and take and ups and downs... if we can look past the small stuff we can talk ourselves out of the sabotage mode.
When we are OK alone........ it is hard to stay in relationships because people do things that irritate us or just different. i spent long time with partner working out of town etc i got used to my way and frankly his doing something different drives me crazy. What i view as most important on a to do list does not match what they find important.
I think all we go thru in life can shape us but not define us. We are not determined to be some way because X happened in life as a child. I found many items, others call trauma but i just call life prepared me for disappointment, things not always working out or being able to be more understanding to stuff.
Do not compare your world to the Fairytale of weddings and such.... as we find out the real truth is people hide the truth. A beautiful wedding such high hopes ends in ugly nasty divorce ...... that is not what shows up on socials. an anniversary photo of long term couple does not show you they live as roommates and can barely stand each other but are keeping up appearances.
If you find someone who gets you ... who laughs at same things that appreciates who you are that is the WIN.
some even sabotage that because they are not happy with themselves and cannot see why your partner is happy with them as is.
@toughtiger6481 Thank you so much for taking the time out to tell me those words. I really appreciate you and God bless you. You are so right about everything you wrote. I am going to read this over and over again to help me. Especially whenever I start to compare myself or whenever I try to sabotage. Yes to everything you said. Thank you.
How are you ? What’s your story ?
