Need a consistent Listener

My name is Fahd, I'm 18 now. 

Timezone: GMT+3

I experienced recent events in my life that made my anxiety rise badly.

Was in a narcissisticly abusive relationship for 8 months filled with lies, aggressiveness, control, betrayal, and pain.

And it ended up with the ex's father, who was an actual murderer, threatening to kill me on a call. 

I'm trying to find a listener for like a few months now, even from before this recent event, I keep getting ignored, and ghosted. (Currantly 4 in a row, the ones who accepted the chat request, and then ghosted me on my very first message I send them)

I need support, daily checks, reassurance, and to be listened to, from someone consistent, with a similar time zone, free time, a healthy person who won't feel drained quickly. 

And I'd rather have a private attention, instead of someone multitasking on me with 7 other members. 

I've been experiencing constant panics, rapid heartbeat, heartaches, overwhelmed all the time, and I'm just too scared of everything, and everyone.

And yesterday's traumatic event made it a lot worse. 

That I constantly imagine people's texts being said in aggressive tones. 

I just need to breathe. 

I need constant reassurance, and I can support you back too in case you need it too.

I've always been used, I gave too much but never got back anything.

I have too much to give, but now I'm drained, and I need help.

I feel so lonely, and unheard.

This is off the topic, but I still can't find any friends, I keep getting blocked.(On other sites)

I wish you a good day.