Memorys

TRIGGER WARNING trama and other stuff

Im having the worst headache and just started remembering moments in my life like my dad yelling at me or my ex-boyfriend manipulating me into sending him.. stuff and all I can think of also is my friend saying my life isn't that hard and her life is worst like yea totally your parents yell at you and ignore you well my dad has done the same and has gotten physical with me during meltdowns, and I've been manipulated into so many things because I was stupid and couldn't see the signs. Im scared to go back to school I have gotten so close to a relapse in the past two weeks I've been at my dad's. Like if I tell them these things happened they're gonna say I'm seeking attention and others have gone through worse! Im trying so hard to make them happy and I'm losing myself while doing it I can't even remember the last time I have actually acted like myself around them or the last time they cared about me... Im trying so hard to be perfect and normal because GOD FORBID SOMEONE WILL CHANGE FOR ME! Im also starting to think I'm suffering from something more them just a mood disorder. Well this was kinda a trauma dump I'm sorry if this triggers someone bye ima head back to watching youtube.