Just really ashamed of myself and uncomfortable

I post things to the internet out of intense emotion only to later regret massively, with an intense feeling of psychological discomfort, to the point of imagining relevant scenarios that make me feel extremely awkward.

Every interaction I have with other people, especially in person, feels so awkward these days.

I hate how I ask people questions about myself (because idk who I am) but then immediately feel awkward afterwards, it's so embarrassing, you never see anyone else do the same thing.

I suspect I am getting paranoid against others (maybe if I really was that paranoid though I wouldn't be aware of it in the first place) that they see me as the way I don't want to be (e.g. hysterical, fat and greedy and gluttonous, irrational, *** tastes, childish, and/or extraverted but no friends, etc) as a result I can't help but form grudges and push people away irrespective of the consequences and then I beat myself up for being so reckless.

I am so confused I've dug myself into a hole I am cooked.